


The Jealousy of Dave Strider

by Abandonment



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 17:03:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15223739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abandonment/pseuds/Abandonment
Summary: A fanfiction in which Dave gets jealous of his bro's relationship with a certain someone.





	1. Chapter 1

Usually he left the futon set up in the mornings, covers kicked about from his active sleep. But it looked as though he hadn’t been home last night; the futon was still folded up on the frame from the last time I packed it away, his obscene puppets thrown carelessly all over it.

His love for those puppets was so unironic; it’s starting to creep me out how he likes them, with their staring eyes and limp limbs. Lil Cal – that little bastard – is awesome and all, but I hate how he just pops up out of nowhere, watching my every move like a stalker or something. Most of the time I think it’s Bro, but he’s spending more and more time away from home now. I just ignore it though. I must be imagining it all.

Lil Cal watched as I settled onto the rolled-up futon, throwing several of the puppets out of the way to make room for myself. He had way too many of those long-nosed fuckers. It was cool and all that he had a hobby, but after thirteen years of having to put up with them being stored in the shower (the fucking shower of all places; didn’t he bathe?!) and thrown about everywhere it was beginning to irritate me.

I switched on the TV. Turns out Bro was watching My Little Pony before he left the apartment, so I swiftly changed the channel. I didn’t get that. That was the only time I thought he was jerking around with me, when I found out his obsession for cartoon ponies and that he refers to himself as a brony. I guess it’s okay; he forced me into watching an episode but all the way through I was pestering John, ignoring the singing of the girly ponies.

Sometimes I can’t help worrying about Bro. I couldn’t concentrate on the blue people leaping about in the forest onscreen; my mind clamped onto the fact that he hadn’t even popped in yet to eat, although all he eats anyway is takeout. He always told me to have a varied diet, so he used to order pizza one night, curry the next and Chinese after that. It was crazy how he wasn’t morbidly obese.

I suppose he would have managed to eat much more healthily if he hadn’t stored all his samurai swords and ninja stars in the refrigerator. Those swords are so awesome though that I can’t complain.

I switched off the TV. I preferred to be alone, that way Bro didn’t fuck up things or irritate me. Sure, Bro’s the best and he’s the shit and all that. It’s just that he’d been more of an asshole to live with lately. Probably to do with the fact that Jake’s staying nearby. He always gets pissy and distant whenever he’s around town. Over the past six years Jake has never visited the apartment once, and whenever Bro finds out where he’s staying he sneaks out in some disguise to spy on him.

I would say it’s just for irony if he didn’t act so flustered whenever I caught him trying to sneak back into the house, a feather boa or football jersey thrown over him as his attempt at a disguise. Whenever Jake’s around, Bro loses his cool.

What “disguise” had he masterfully thought up this time? He’d once said his bad disguises were for irony, but secretly it was always because he was such a little fucking fangirl over Jake that he couldn’t think of much else. He was a grown man for Jesus’ sake, it was time he moved on from their past and started dating. Of course I knew why he acted like that; it was obvious and he wasn’t ashamed to flaunt his feelings. It was motherfucking embarrassing most of the time. I was so ashamed whenever he came home in one of his costumes.

I ordered some takeout for myself and soon enough I had a curry sat in my lap as I watched some family game show. I remember a time when Bro tried to force me to go on one of these with him, but I hated the idea. I choose to think he did it for the irony.

I ate the curry slowly, attempting to get involved with the cheesy lines of the game show presenter. It was absolute shit. I didn’t understand why Bro liked to watch them, but then there were plenty of things I didn’t understand about him.

I didn’t understand why he liked to watch ponies. I didn’t understand why he liked those disturbing smuppets so much. I didn’t understand why he thought Jake was so special. Anyone else would have moved on by now. He was just screwing up his life over him.

I threw away the takeout trash, taking one of the smuppets along with it. Why would anyone have an interest in those creepy bastards? That was yet another thing I didn’t understand about him-

The front door slapped open and a tall, stocky, blonde lady stormed in, a samurai sword in hand. It took me a moment, but when I realized, all I could do was stare.

And then I burst out laughing.

‘What the fuck are you laughing at, David?’ The sight of Bro in a pink, sparkly dress and broken heels was too much for me to handle. I was too far gone to even feel a twinge of annoyance. ‘I don’t find anything here particularly comedic.’

‘Bro,’ I had to take a few breaths before I could speak, ‘what the hell are you wearing?’

‘A dress; what does it look like?’ His voice was strained to a steady tone, his jaw tensed under the shadow of his knotted wig. Despite the effort he had put into it this time, his identity was still painfully obvious. If he had left that katana and his shades at home he would have looked a bit more convincing, but he still would have looked like a drag queen. It was fucking obvious with that scruffy thing on his head and the apparent lack of attention to detail (he hadn’t even stuffed socks down the dress).

‘Where the-’

‘It was Roxy’s idea. No one recognised me.’ Bullshit. I raised an eyebrow from behind my shades. I could believe the idea was from Rose’s mom’s liquor-fuelled brain though.

‘So, how was Jake?’

‘That’s Uncle Jake to you-’ Then his face went bright red and he corrected himself, ‘I mean, who the fuck are you talking about, Dave?’

‘You know exactly who I’m talking about. It’s always around this time of year he flies into Texas. Besides, when else would you not want to be recognised?’

His lips were pursed for a while. Unable to think of any shitty-ass cover-ups, he steadily said, ‘That’s Uncle Jake to you, David.’ Now I had stopped laughing the name pissed me off, and my short-lived amusement disintegrated into cold rage.

‘Fuck you, Bro. Go moon over “Uncle Jake”.’ He folded his large, sequined arms over his chest and glared at me from behind translucent black lenses. The feeling was mutual then.

‘What’s gotten into you?’ What’s gotten into me? Wasn’t he the one irritating me on purpose? ‘You’re being very touchy.’

I chose to ignore him and dumped myself on the futon-couch, pretending to be absorbed in the stupid game show. I hated when he called me David. I knew he only did it to be a jerk. He kicked off his heels and sighed loudly from behind me, throwing his katana back in the refrigerator before collapsing beside me, resting his arm on the back of the couch. He tapped the back of my head but I ignored him. I was close to doing a fucking pirouette off the Goddamn handle.

It was always like this whenever I caught him out, whether he sneaked in like a sorrowful, dejected little puppy or marched in like a psychopathic child murderer. He was overly sensitive about Jake and acted like a shy, blushing schoolgirl with a crush she was convinced was true love. And I have had enough of this ridiculously obsessive shit.

He tapped my head again, and I glared at him from the corners of my eyes. ‘What the fuck do you want?’ I reluctantly growled.

‘I feel like I’ve done something wrong...’ He thoughtfully muttered.

‘You’re such a fucking embarrassment, when will you get it in your gel-plastered skull that Jake isn’t interested-?’

‘It’s wax, actually-’

‘You’re acting like a stalker-’

He couldn’t seem to be able to take any criticism from me. ‘It just so happens that we happened to be in the same place at the same time-’

‘Then why are you in ugly-ass drag?’

He didn’t reply for a long while, his face set in stone. ‘It just so happens that I feel more comfortable in a dress, David.’

‘Bullshit.’ I was silent again as the crowd erupted into vigorous applause onscreen.

I hated how strained our relationship was, especially when Jake was around. I hadn’t even seen him and yet his arrival caused an automatic rift between me and Bro, who was too love-struck to realize why I always got so grouchy.

‘Are you jealous?’ One corner of his mouth rose in an insensitive smirk.

‘What? No!’ I was disgusted at his mocking boldness and his ability to come up with that revolting idea. ‘Shut the fuck up!’

‘You’ve lost your cool.’ He noted, his smirk still on his lips. I angrily jolted to my feet, close to flying off the handle, but I just marched towards my room. He was startled at my abrupt exit, watching me closely from behind those dark lenses. ‘You’re being serious?’

I lashed out at him. ‘I am so fucking serious I’m like a priest at a funeral! Don’t tell me you have no fucking idea of how desperate you look, following him around in those terrible disguises and blushing like a little girl whenever you hear his name!’ He blinked at me for a long while as the game show’s ending credits rolled silently behind me.

‘Even if I was following Jake around-’

‘You are following him around!’ I angrily corrected, though he ignorantly carried on.

‘-What would it matter to you?’

His expression was back to stony, his citrine eyes guarded. I was lost for words. I couldn’t believe it. What did it matter? I was his brother! He was embarrassing me! If any of my friends ever saw Bro in a dress I don’t think I would be able to keep my cool. He was so shameless!

‘It’s humiliating!’ I managed to reply. ‘I don’t want to put up with any more of this Jake shit.’ He casually leant back against the backrest, crossing his leg over the other, revealing white panties. I found myself pinching the bridge of my nose to try and keep calm.

‘Dave, this is hard for me too-’

‘Then stop! Forget about Jake!’ I said. ‘He doesn’t like you!’

He looked down, hiding his mouth behind his large hand. I didn’t know what to make of his reaction; I expected a fight, not awkward silence. Dread settled in my stomach. Had I actually injured him?


	2. Chapter 2

He was polishing his katana on the futon when I stealthily exited my bedroom and rolled to the bathroom. It had been a whole day since I had hurt his feelings, and we hadn’t spoken a word. I was unused to silent treatment from him; usually he was so overbearing it felt like I was drowning in his fucking issues and puppet rumps. I guess I shouldn’t have been so hard on him, but Bro had never been so embarrassingly pathetic about anything else and it was about time he snapped out of his stupid love stupor.

I threw the puppet out of the shower and slammed the door. Hot water pounded on my back and head, water trickling over my shades. Bro had always been the best; I had never been ashamed to look up to him before, but I guess things changed. I’d been through this hundreds of times before and yet whenever he threw a sword in my direction my irritation just vanished into fucking thin air. It would keep going like that, I know it won’t ever change; he was my bro, and we looked out for each other, period.

I had tried to make him forget Jake once before. My homeroom teacher at the time was going through a pretty bad break-up and was storming around like a fat-ass menopausal dragon. I was tired of the lessons she arranged for the day, which were all hour-long sessions of her bitching about how all men are useless slobs. I told Bro she was an absolute fucking bitch in a constant pirouette off the handle and told him he should try to show her that not all men are like that, so he did.

He took her on a shopping trip. It wasn’t exactly the thing I had in mind at all. She was pretty hot for a dragon so I thought he might have asked her on a date, but instead of bringing home a passion-rumpled woman, he brought home a yabbering girl who couldn’t shut the fuck up. Bro made her a latte and by the time she left she was calling him her sassy gay friend.

I couldn’t fucking believe my shaded eyes when she leapt from the apartment without a single piece of clothing out of place. My plan had spectacularly failed, and he went straight back to pester Jake online as soon as the door was closed.

I know what I’m still trying to do –making him forget Jake – can be seen as cruel. What I said, that Jake didn’t like him, was a giant’s step over the line.

The sad thing was... it was true. I wouldn’t have minded if they dated. I seriously wouldn’t have. It would have been cool, because that meant I could meet Jade and see her all the time, which would be fucking rad. But it’s not what Jake wants. I don’t know why, exactly; perhaps he’s not into guys.

I know it definitely isn’t what he wants, because Jake stopped visiting our apartment whenever he stayed nearby after... a particular incident. I remember it well, because it was the first time I’d ever seen Bro cry (the second and third times being the shitty finales of the My Little Pony seasons).

I wanted to use the computer to pester John but Bro told me to stay in my room while he and Jake talked. I was pretty pissed off about it and ended up peeping at them through the gap between the door and frame, searching for something in their conversation I could use to annoy him with later in a stupid attempt of revenge.

Bro confessed his love (at the time I didn’t know how he felt about him, and sat there in a helpless state of shock), and Jake looked like he was about to abscond from the apartment. Bro grabbed him and forced him against the wall. I think he rubbed Jake’s crotch with his thigh, if Jake’s noises were any sort of indication, but he punched him away and aimed his two pistols at him as he fled to the door.

Since then, Jake’s never gotten in contact with Bro. Whenever Bro signs into Pesterchum he always tries to make Jake speak, but he outright ignores him. Jake only comes to the US now to go on those fucking adventures he always used to go on about, if Rose’s mom is right. But he can’t ever seem to resist coming back to Texas and causing fucking shit to go down between me and Bro.

I switched off the shower and grabbed for a towel, opening the cubicle door and chucking the puppet inside, just the way Bro liked it. I hoped that sufficed as an apology, because I sure as hell didn’t know how to say sorry to his face after my fucking insensitivity yesterday. I didn’t even know whether he would bother pointing a sword in my direction for a consolatory strife after what I said. I was a total piece of horse shit.

A total piece of horse shit who told the truth, though. Whatever. I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

I unlocked the bathroom door and chose to face him head on as opposed to youth rolling away like a pussy. He didn’t even seem to give a fuck as I strolled over to the futon and watched him rub the blade with some cheap-ass polish. Jesus he’d been concentrating on that sword for a while, but I chose to remain silent, a little scared that he still hated me for what I said.

‘You better be here to apologise to me you ungrateful little shit-ass.’ He said, without even casting a glare at me.

‘Yeah I guess. Sorry.’ What the fuck else could I have said to that guilt trip?

‘I guess you expect me to forgive you now then.’

‘I see what you’re doing Bro. It doesn’t work; I don’t give a flying fuck-’

 

He ignored me. ‘I’ll only forgive you if you buy me a double deluxe.’ No fucking way was I buying him that expensive shit of a pizza.

‘No! Where do you expect me to get the money from? Do you expect me to pluck it from my ass?’

He looked at me then, his big dark eyebrows furrowing over his shades. ‘Someone’s on their period.’

‘Goddamn you.’

‘Forget it then.’ But that made me feel even more freaking guilty.

‘Fine fine, I’ll use my fucking ads money.’ I grumbled, reluctantly pulling out my iPhone and dialling the pizza place number. I only got a little amount of cash from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. My other blogs were all advertisement-free due to their ironically controversial content. I ordered the double fucking deluxe pizza and even splashed out on chicken strips. Bro was sometimes a manipulative little bastard. But I kind of admired that about him.

As soon as I hung up, he lowered his sword onto the futon and assumed a thoughtful position like a fucking philosopher. I wondered if he was going to come out with some spectacularly shit speech, but instead he said, ‘you remember.’

What. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’

‘You remember when Jake-’

I interrupted him. ‘Not a lot of it, but he sure as hell wanted to Ollie outie.’

‘Don’t you remember what you said when he ran off like a fucking pussy?’

‘Probably called you a pervert.’

‘No,’ He chuckled gently, and I raised my eyebrows at his sudden softness. ‘You said “I’ll be your bride, Bro!”’

I didn’t know what to be more mortified about: his blatant lie about my totally rad past self or his shitty attempt at sounding like me, which frankly sounded like a rambunctious crow.

‘I fucking never. Bullshitter.’ I would never say something so sickly soppy as that. Ever. Not even if I was still in diapers.

‘You did.’ He casually insisted. ‘I thought you might have found my yaoi folder or some shit to come out with that line.’ Yaoi folder? Oh yes, the one I stuffed a virus into under the name of Boku no Assfuckero. I couldn’t help smirking just a little. I bet he’d opened the shitty thing.

But I was still pissed he thought I would go near his yaoi folder with the intention of watching gay men bum each other.

‘I’m not into that shit.’ I growled, smirk vanishing.

‘Now, now, David,’ What a fucking moron. ‘How do you know unless you’ve tried it?’ He looked over his shoulder at me, lowering his shades to give me a look, one big eyebrow raised.

‘Oh shut up. Bouncing mammary glands are the best fucking things in the world.’

‘I’m more of an ass man, myself-’

I chucked a smuppet at his head, but he effortlessly caught it, still with a raised eyebrow and solidly looking at me with his crazy bright orange eyes. He was a motherfucking dick. All I could think now was about him staring at Jake’s ass, fingers twitching with lust at wanting to squeeze that plush rump. I knew his mind. It could be sick, and not in an awesome sort of way.

‘I don’t want to know! It wasn’t as if it was a secret anyway.’

He studied me for a while, with those honey-colored eyes, before saying, ‘Just what is up with you recently? By now you’d be begging me to forgive you, gagging for me to strife-’

‘That sounds so wrong-’

‘What the hell happened, Dave? It seems as though I’m suddenly your enemy. Just a day ago you loved me like a fangirl loves anime.’ I actually rolled my eyes. I admired him and all but I don’t think I ever squealed and blushed over him at all. In fact I most definitely didn’t. Jesus what a disgusting mental image.

‘You know why,’ I said, folding my arms over my chest. ‘I already said I’m fed up of this Jake shit.’

He was looking at me again. I wished he would stop doing that, it was fucking distracting. I’d heard spiritual mumbo-jumbo that the eyes were the gateway to the soul, and Jesus Bro’s soul was hard to face. I just wanted to shove his shades back up his nose.

He sighed. ‘I know you don’t like me going to see him when he comes here. But I just can’t help it. I fucking embarrass myself sometimes.’ I ran a hand through my hair. Goddamn it. He was so incredibly stupid it made me want to throw a ninja star at him.

‘Date someone else then.’ I couldn’t help sounding exasperated.

‘It’s not that simple.’ He said. ‘I’ve felt for Jake since I was about thirteen.’

‘Good God, you need to move on, Bro.’ I insensitively said. ‘I could mistake you for a virginal nun the way you’re talking.’ And of course he wasn’t a virginal nun. He was the most sexually flamboyant motherfucker I’d ever had the misfortune to meet.

I’ve watched one of the videos he makes with those puppets. He wasn’t ashamed of them at all; in fact all our browser bookmarks were flooded with every single one of his monstrously pornographic updates. It was hard to miss when all I was searching for was the really cool cap I wanted to buy. It was so much cooler than Bro’s, I bet he would have been jealous, if only I could find the fucking page amongst all the shitty rump ruckus.

‘You would be sorely mistaken,’ he said, ‘but I’m serious about this.’

‘I’m serious about Jake not liking you,’ I insisted. ‘You said so yourself; he run out on you.’

‘I just can’t forget him.’ He lifted Lil Cal from under the rumpled covers of the futon, turning away from me and perching the creepy-ass puppet on his knee. ‘On another, completely unrelated subject, where did Roderick vanish off to? I don’t suppose you would know?’ He pushed his shades up his nose, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Things would be just about back to normal now.

‘Roderick?’ I repeated.

‘Yes, the star of my most recent movie; I have to direct a follow-up tonight.’ Oh, one of his stupid smuppets. I guessed it wasn’t a good time to tell him I’d thrown him in the trash after we’d only just started talking again.

‘Nope. Nuhuh. I’m no Terence McDonagh, Bro.’

‘Oh, so you have no idea how Roderick ended up in the rubbish, then?’ Shit, he found him.

‘Hell no. I have no idea.’ He dropped the subject with an amused smirk, saying nothing until the pizza guy arrived and I paid for the shitty thing. Then it was as if Jake didn’t even exist, and Roderick didn’t matter, and we sat together stuffing our faces. We strifed over the last slice of pizza, but I obviously let him win. Who wants a slice of fucking double deluxe anyway? Definitely not me. Oh, fuck no.

Bro’s phone bleeped just as I shoved the greasy box into the trash.

‘Roxy..? Sorry, lil bro, I’ve got to go.’ He rushed from the flat without even giving me a chance to ask where he was going.

And then it hit me. Of course I knew where he was going. Rose’s mom always helped him out to continue on his quest of fucking shit up. She’d given him Jake’s current location.

I felt a lot fucking angrier than I should have.


	3. Chapter 3

I hired a hooker.

Not for me, fucking dipshits, for Bro when he had the gracious decency to drag his sorry ass back home. I chose to think his obsession with Jake was all down to pent-up sexual frustration or some stupid shit like that.

So there she was, sat there with her bleached blonde hair and thick fake eyelashes, sprawling across the futon with a cigarette lit in her hand. She was pissed off and close to leaving, even though I was paying her a further forty dollars for her wait. Her rates were high, but she was big-busted and in a clingy black dress. Not to mention she had the best ass I’d ever seen. I was certain Bro would be itching to squeeze that rump.

‘Honey, are you sure he’s even coming back?’ He’d better be fucking coming back. I nodded and she sighed, shuffling round on the futon to get more comfortable.

She had red thongs on too. Bro would like that. I know I fucking well did.

I poured her some of the shitty cheap-ass vodka Bro kept under one of the counters amongst all the awesome ninja/samurai junk. She took the chipped glass and downed it all in one gulp. I guessed she must have been really bored of waiting. The fucker didn’t have any space to complain though at the amount of cash she was getting.

My precious ads savings had all been drained in one day. Bro better be fucking delirious with gratitude.

I tried to entertain her with some of my sick beats but she didn’t seem at all interested. Obviously she didn’t recognise a supreme god of phat rhymes and sweet tunes. I was tempted to throw her out but then I remembered the amount of my paper she had already stuffed in her bra. So I decided to be reasonable and instead just ignored her when she asked for another drink. Bitch.

I heard the sound of the key crunching into the lock, and then the door swung open. Bro didn’t look too happy at all, pulling the beak of his cap down over his shades and marching straight to the bathroom. At first he didn’t seem to notice the blatant presence of the hooker, but she insensitively made the “mistake” of lightly coughing. He froze and stood completely still for a long while, still gripping the beak of that awesomely ironic cap, muscles tensed like he was trying to work out who’d made the sound.

‘Dave,’ He darkly said, without even looking at either one of us.

The hooker-bitch dumbly didn’t notice the danger in his voice, and stupidly whistled. ‘Wow, what a hottie! Get over here big boy, I’ll show you a good time-’

Unexpectedly Bro stormed straight towards, her. At first I thought he was going to drag her by the fluorescent yellow locks to the door, but instead he seemed to calm his shit right down.

‘Oh, no, sweetie, I’m sorry, it seems you’ve been misled.’ He took her wrist and pulled her to her monster-heeled feet. ‘Has he paid you?’

I saw her heavily glossed lips pucker for a “no”, but I interrupted just in time, ‘Yes.’

‘I’ll walk you to the lobby-’

‘W-what?’ Me and the hooker looked at each other, both for entirely different reasons.

I mean, Bro, dat ass!

And she was annoyed she’d been sat there waiting for some business only to get turfed out of the apartment instead. I felt kind of sorry for her, after all.

Who am I kidding? She couldn’t even recognise a god.

She shook her arm from his grip, and I was surprised to see him let her. ‘What the fuck? I just wasted all this time here for nothing? Fuck you. I’ll go by myself.’ She cast a glare back at me but I didn’t give a damn. What did she expect? For me to die violently and collapse in the plush rumps? No fucking way was I immersing myself in puppet prostates.

She stormed from the apartment and slammed the door after her.

‘Dave’ I didn’t like that tone one fucking bit. Shit, he was pissed at me. He whipped round to face me, drawing his favorite katana and aiming it right at my chest. His eyes were freaking ablaze like erupting volcanoes, I’m not even kidding, I could see them through his lenses.

‘What? What the fuck did I do wrong?’ I demanded, attempting to be brave. Believe me, it is so fricking hard when he looks like he’s going to tear out my lungs and stamp on my heart.

‘You’re a little asshole, you know that?’

‘Well I know I’m an “ungrateful little shit-ass”, but no, this is new.’

‘Goddamn, what the hell did you think you were doing?’ His voice sounded a little softer as he reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. Thank Jesus he lowered that damn samurai sword. ‘Why did you even invite her here? She doesn’t play fucking Rhyming Scrabble you know.’

‘I know what they do; I’m not a fucking five-year-old.’ I grumbled.

‘Then why the hell would a prostitute be in our apartment? I don’t get it!’ He was losing his cool again. Was it that I’d massively overstepped yet another line?

I was tempted to do the same and start yelling at him. Honestly, what the fuck? I was trying to be a good lil bro and help him get over that stupid adventurer, and this was the thanks I got. Why the fuck did I even bother? Jesus Christ I was so annoyed at him.

‘You moronic jackass I know you were out following round Jake again-’

‘Uncle Jake-’

Look how many fucks I gave. ‘-after I told you it was time to forget the bastard. So I hired you a hooker like a best bro to get your perverse mind off that male booty for once.’

I didn’t know whether the reaction I got to that was an entirely good one. He just sort of stood there, staring at me, his lips pursed and his cheeks slightly drawn in. At least it was better than the katana being aimed at me again, but I still feared for my life.

‘Could you be any more stupid?’ He bluntly said.

‘Stupid? Coming from you, ass-hat,’ I pointed out. ‘You’re the pathetic fucker salivating over one guy’s rump since you were thirteen.’ I think I saw his eyebrow twitch. I better not have fucking saw his eyebrow twitch. That meant shit was going down. My shit, mainly. I’m not even going to lie; he would effortlessly kick my ass into next Tuesday like fat nasty trash.

‘Exactly. A guy’s rump.’ He said tightly.

‘Fuck off, I’ve seen you looking at those Cosmos, lustfully looking at those tiny-assed models in swimsuits-’

‘Looking at those swimsuits, actually.’

‘Why the fuck would you be looking at the swimsuits when you have a half-naked woman plastered over a two-page spread? What the hell is wrong with you?’

‘I would imagine…’ He broke himself off and pursed his lips again.

‘Oh, I see, you would imagine Jake frolicking around in them, right?’ What a sick mind. Honestly. Fucking revolting.

He seemed to be biting his bottom lip. I didn’t know whether he was biting back an insult fit or what. Probably thinking of Jake’s hairy-ass legs poking out from under one of those stupid sarongs or something. No, probably imaging his ass in floral bikini bottoms, that was it.

‘You’re such an asshole.’ I growled, storming into my bedroom and smacking the door shut behind me. Fuck that shit.

I paced around my room a couple of times before collapsing on my bed. I was close to flying off the fucking handle. Why were things like this now? When did I begin hating him and Jake so much? I wanted to kick him in the fucking balls, good God.

‘I never imagined Jake in those swimsuits,’ He said through the door.

I knew the truth already, Jesus fucking Christ, wasn’t it about time he stopped lying to me? I lost my cool. I grabbed for my ninja blade and kicked open my door with a motherfucking battle cry. That is it; I was flying off the handle in a graceless manner.

He was ready to block my first swipe, and the next one, and the fucking next one. I was so angry I didn’t even appreciate his speed or defense skill, constantly attempting to get cheap little quips at him by kicking at his legs. He was such a fricking bastard he even managed to block those.

‘Calm your shit, David-’

‘Don’t call me that, moron!’ Christ I just wanted to rip some of that stupid-styled hair out of his skull. I made a swipe at his sideburns and he expertly dodged. Shame I was too rage-filled to admire it.

‘Put your sword down, for the love of-’

‘No!’

‘Why are you so angry at me?’ Our blades clashed together as he blocked one of my attacks with a smooth sweep of his arm.

‘You lying all the Goddamn time; I know you’re mooning over him all the time and that just makes me so fricking mad!’ I had to find my fricking cool, oh Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me? I just kept bringing up the same thing over and over again.

‘I’m not lying to you. Why are you even getting hormonal over it? What is it? Are you jealous?’

I attacked blindly then, finding my cool and chucking it out the window, yelling, ‘NO GROSS WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK THAT YOU PERVERTED ASS FUCKER OH MY GOD-’

He shoved me and I flew back against the wall, dropping my blade to the floor. My rage was quickly forgotten as I stared at him in shock-

What the fuck was he doing?! His hands were slammed either side of my head, his smouldering eyes boring into me (Jesus Christ I sound like a fucking Jane Austen character, what the fuck is wrong with me- I mean, what, who is this Jane Austen person?). I kicked at him but he caught my leg, his fingers curved beneath my knee, keeping it suspended by his hip.

‘WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING-?!’ My voice was kind of squeaky (I could have died, seriously).

‘I imagine you in those swimsuits.’

… What.

What.

What.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

I was pretty sure my cheeks were red at the revolting idea; I knew I could feel them burning like fucking hell. How disgusting. Why the hell would he do that? We were bros. What a fucking pervert!

‘Fuck off! Dirty old homo, get the fuck-’

‘You’re jealous,’ his tone. What the fuck. Was with his tone. It was rough and low and whispery and- fuck no I’m not falling for that bullshit! Jiggling titties, jiggling titties, jiggling titties, jiggling testes- NO WHAT THE FUCKKCEJDIEDKNKSDS

I was fucking horrified. I kicked at him with his other leg, but he caught that one too, shifting me higher up the wall so he was pretty much carrying me.

‘Now, now, David, no need to use violence-’

‘Get the fuck off me, you big raging homo! Go fuck around with Jake!’

‘Just what is it you actually want?’ He was still using the tone. How the fuck could Jake resist it- I mean, uh, HE’S A BIG RAGING HOMO I HATE HIS FUCKING GUTS THE END.

I hit at his chest, but it didn’t affect him at all. The man’s made from titanium I swear.

‘Want to take this over to the futon?’ He huskily growled.

Fuck me that was one hell of a tone- I HATE HIM HE’S AN ASSHOLE HE’S NO BRO OF MINE THE END. ‘No fucking way-’

He fucking slammed his lips to my mouth. What a fucking pedophile. What a massive, ass-raping pedophile.

A delicious, amazingly good kissing pedophile-

I bit his lip in an attempt to escape, but I immediately regretted that fucking decision. It seemed to spur him on like a whip would spur a horse. I could taste his blood, but he didn’t fucking care (titanium I tell you). I tried to hit him, but by that time I was enj- I mean he had sucked out my willpower because he’s a crappy-ass demon who does that shit to get his own way.

‘mm, Bro…’ That was my fucking voice. My own fucking voice is a traitor.

Jesus Christ I felt like jello. And my fucking mouth was burning. I felt g- terrible. Absolutely fucking terrible.

Oh alright I felt insane with sweet loving, but I wasn’t going to ever admit that. Ever.

What about Jake, though? I kicked him to the back of my mind. Whatever. Bro was being pedophiliac now, that’s all that mattered. Good fucking lord I had to work on my willpower. I clearly had some issues there.

WAS THAT HIS TONGUE?! Fuck me, he was shoving his tongue in my mouth. God it felt good… Bro was a fucking pro at this, how could it not feel good? Jesus, was I really having sloppy make outs with him? I really don’t have any self-respect, do I? Clearly fucking not.

My fingers were raking through his stiffly styled hair on their own accord, knocking his cap off and mussing his do. If he wasn’t concentrating on working his godlike tongue I was pretty sure we would be in the midst of a ferocious strife right now for what I was doing to it.

Fuck I was burning.

He threw me onto the futon. I didn’t have much time to think before he was lying on top of me, weighed down by his body. He was smirking devilishly, white teeth biting a side of his bleeding bottom lip. My heart fucking pirouetted off the handle.

He kissed me again; I would have melted if I already hadn’t. His hand pulled up my shirt, and I made no effort to stop him. Not even a sissy effort. I just lay there, enjoying the feel of his fingers scraping over my stomach and chest. He pushed his tongue through my lips again, stroking it over mine as his fingers rubbed and pinched my nipple. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

He relentlessly skimmed his hand southward, over my stomach, towards the burning-

He rested his hand over my crotch, and I gasped against his lips, my hands flying up to grip his shirt, straining to stop the inevitable. But the bastard started rubbing, and I couldn’t stop it. I was getting hard over him, of all fucking people!

The sounds my mouth made were not my own. His hand was the fucking Devil’s, cruel, merciless and filled with unbearable temptation. ‘Nngghh…’

‘Dave,’ Oh fuck that tone, that fucking tone. What could I do, seriously? I was fucking pathetic; like a clueless, innocent schoolgirl.

Oh God… Oh my fucking God…

No matter how much I tensed it still wouldn’t stop burning-

His cell rang. The piece of shit fucking rang.

He withdrew with a look of confusion, his shades knocked at an odd angle as he patted his pockets, searching for the motherfucking phone. I was panting with relief; that was intense, so fucking intense.

He found it, looked at the caller ID and furrowed his brow. He uncertainly answered it, stepping off the futon and with his back to me. ‘Hello?’

My hands flew to my face. Seriously, I was blushing like a harassed tomato. My groin was still ablaze too. The fuck was wrong with me? It was Bro who was touching me, not some hot-ass chick-!

‘Oh, hey Jake, bro,’

I tensed.

‘Yeah sure, see you in five.’ And then he was out of the front door. Just like fucking that.

I think I may have cried.


	4. Chapter 4

He didn’t come back that night. I stayed awake purposefully to kick his sorry ass as soon as he got through the front door, but he never showed up. At about three o’clock I tried to sleep, but I kept imagining what that shit-ass was doing with Jake, and then I would end up slicing up one of his puppet douchebags. I knew I’d regret it when he came home, but I didn’t fucking care anymore.

I mean, he obviously didn’t care about using me, his bro, to fondle and forget about. What a fucking pedophiliac pervert. I would have showed him a piece of my infuriated mind if only I hadn’t started crying like a shitty little pussy. What the fuck was wrong with me?

I was quick to regain my cool though(after two hours of crying)and devised a motherfucking ingenious plan to make him pay for walking out on me- what he did to me, I mean. He was gross and freaking insane.

In the morning I went out and bought the required item, using the little money I had left in my account. That was it. I was all out now, all thanks to that shit-eating dick raper. I even got some funny looks from people in the store, but I endured it because of him. He’d better be on his fucking knees and begging for forgiveness when he got home.

But no, he wouldn’t even have time to beg for forgiveness; I would just march straight past him with a smug expression on my face. He’d armed me with this treacherously nuclear ammo after all; he practically brought this upon himself.

As soon as I got into the apartment I wiggled into the purchased item. I was ecstatic to find the rooms empty, still awaiting the arrival of the master cunt. It was all going perfectly to plan, and I couldn’t help the supercilious smug that pinched at my mouth. By the time I walked out the door I knew he would be imploring for my ass- forgiveness, for forgiveness.

It was perfect; the only thing I had to worry about was whether he would actually come home or not. At the back of my mind I was a bit dubious whether he would bother now he had Jake right where he wanted him. I forced myself to be optimistic. Turns out my mind was unused to that cheery shit, so my smirk swiftly disappeared and I ended up having to turn my attention away from my fucking exemplary plans of retribution.

I noticed Lil Cal perched on the flat-screen TV, staring at me unblinkingly. He freaked me the fuck out, but I didn’t dare move him after the last time I tried to. Bro had gone absolutely and terrifyingly crazy, driven round the bend and another few bends after that. I have never felt so much of a pussy as I did then, when he hunted me down like a fucking psychopath.

Sometimes I wondered why he was so unnaturally affectionate towards that batshitty puppet, but I never asked. Probably a fucking gift from Jake. In that case I didn’t even want to know. I gave Lil Cal a shaky fist bump, admittedly feeling a lot more nervous standing there in a swimsuit.

That’s right; I bought a fucking girl’s swimsuit. I wasn’t sure if it was fashionable or not – how the hell was I supposed to know that, I am a guy after all – but I guessed it sufficed to make me look “kawaii” as Bro would flatly put it. I don’t even know; it was a navy one piece that looked sort of like a crappy anime costume, but I guessed that type of shit pleased him. After this I was never going to wear the piece of absolute horse shit again; how could girls put up with it pinching at their asses all the time? It was fucking uncomfortable.

Lil Cal’s eyes seemed to be a lot more judgemental and his creepy smile seemed just a bit more mocking than usual. I awkwardly adjusted the stupid lycra shit and turned Lil Cal’s face away. He was just unnerving me. I had to be fucking glowing with confidence to carry out my carefully laid plan without a hitch.

Jesus, when the fuck would he be home? I was growing impatient as I laid some clothes on the couch, ready for me to throw on before I went out. I definitely wasn’t going to go marching out in this attire where anyone could walk past and see me, good lord. I placed my shades on top of the folded pile of clothes, determined to look so fucking “kawaii” he would drop to his knees in an instant.

I didn’t sit down; I noticed the bastard Lil Cal staring at me again, grinning falsely like a fucking cat that got the out-of-date cream. I ended up chucking him in the bathroom. If he kept looking at me like that I would lose my cool. I needed every gram of it to keep everything to plan.

I heard the lock crunch, and I quickly picked up my jeans, starting to change into them. He would catch me in the process of getting dressed, so I wasn’t being an outright fucking tease. I mean, I wanted to force an apology from his throat, and that was all. How obvious would my plan be if I just strutted around in front of him like a slut on the catwalk?

I heard the door click open, and then there was a muffled footstep. There were no other sounds as I took my time zipping up my pants, a satisfied smirk pulling at my mouth. I hoped he was drooling-

And then I truly realized what I was doing. And what the fuck was I doing? This wasn’t an attempt to get a fucking apology at all! What the hell was wrong with me? If I wanted an apology I could have just asked for one and then obstinately ignored him if he didn’t have the fucking balls. What was this supposed to achieve exactly? A repeat of yesterday? Disgustingly, I found myself a little hopeful. Jesus I was so fucking confused.

Sure, he might beg for forgiveness, but not the kind I wanted. He was perverse and gross, so he would probably just apologise for leaving me and then continue where we left off. He would not apologise for touching me at all.

What a fine fucker of a mess I’d gotten myself into.

I heard his short gasps from the doorway, and my hackles rose. Nervously I slipped my T shirt over the swimsuit. I guessed I could still work this to my advantage. I would still walk out on him, and pretend I was off to see…

To see who? A boyfriend? Me, with a boyfriend? After what I said about bouncing mammaries, this had to be the most stupid idea I’d ever come up with. And yet it was the only way I could spite him, because that’s what I was doing now. Guilt tripping him for running off to his precious Jake.

I callously ignored him as I marched straight past him. It sounded like he was pleased with what he saw; very pleased. What a tragic shame it was that he wasn’t the one I was dressing up for, what a tragic shame.

‘D-Dave, where the-’ Thank a god I don’t even believe in that he wasn’t using the tone, although this breathy voice was something extraordinary.

‘Don’t mind me, ass fucker; I’m just going out to see my boyfriend-’

‘Wait. What?’ His voice was still that same rugged texture. ‘Is this just you trying to get back at me for some inexplicable reason?’

‘Inexplicable? Fucking idiot. Not that I am trying to get back at you, but if I was it would be pretty obvious why, batshit-’

‘I can’t even begin to fathom what goes on in your brain.’ He tried to recover himself but he wasn’t doing very well. My best shit-eating grin crept its way onto my face. ‘What’s your boyfriend’s name then, David? John Smith?’

‘Fuck no, like I would name an “imaginary” boyfriend something like that.’ I was still wearing that nasty-ass grin, but inwardly I was starting to panic. A name? Sure I’d pretended to have a girlfriend when dweebs at school asked me on a date, and I was pretty quick to stick to the name Christie Evans. But now I had to think of a guy’s name, and I could practically feel my shades crack with the pressure. ‘Her- his name’s Christopher Evans.’

‘Oh, is that the same Christie Evans I heard you using as your girlfriend?’ Oh fuck he knew about that. And I supposed he would have known too; after all, he and one of the dweeb’s moms had been close friends around the time I started getting interest from girls.

‘Fuck you.’ My grin was fucking gone, but I was still determined that everything would still go to plan. Well, roughly. I tried storming away, but he grabbed my wrist and dragged me back into the apartment, slamming the front door shut. ‘Get the fuck off me; I could easily mistake you as a horny child molester.’

I was trying hard to keep my cool, trying hard not to be angry at him, and for once that seemed to be working. Good, who knew what I would burst out with if I fucking let go of my tongue. I was still pretty pissed off that he’d left me for Jake. He probably fucked him and all, right after he got me hard. I felt the sear of rage inside me, but through some miracle I was still managing to bite my tongue.

He sat me down on the couch, taking off his shades and carefully placing them under the TV set. He treasured those pointy-ass things, not that I blamed him. ‘I know you’re trying to “one-up” me.’ He bluntly said, regaining his composure. ‘Why are you so stubborn? Just tell me why you’re angry at me.’

I didn’t want to waste any of my energy yelling at him if he was dumb enough not to realize. Instead I just shrugged, pushing my sweet shades further up my nose and reclining against the backrest, ignoring the puppet I squashed against my spine in the process. Was that its butt cheeks against my back? I put on a poker face and tried not to think about it. Gross.

‘You’re extremely infuriating.’ He growled, folding his large arms over his broad chest. ‘Seriously, what is up with you?’

I couldn’t help it. My head flopped forwards and my hands flew up to my face in an effort to hide it. ‘I fucking hate you sometimes.’ My breath was coming out odd. Fuck, it almost made it sound as though I was crying.

‘What?’

I pushed my shades up and rubbed my eyes, trying to catch the tears before they even started coming. I wasn’t as fucking tough as I made out to be. I’m no fucking god. ‘You left me to go fuck Jake!’ My voice sounded wounded, even to my own ears.

The most hurtful thing about the situation was that Bro wasn’t even quick to deny it, or in fact, he wasn’t even going to deny it. What the fuck was wrong with him? Did he seriously think it was okay to jerk me around then just swan off to do freaky things with some other guy? It wasn’t okay!

‘That’s Uncle Jake to you-’ His voice was way too soft and hesitant.

‘Shut the fuck up!’ I cried. ‘You didn’t even have the decency to hide it from me!’ I could feel the tears stinging at my eyes now, and I violently wiped them away, angry at both him and myself. ‘Seriously, just what the fuck did you think you were doing?’

‘Dave,’ he sighed heavily as I started to shake.

‘What is that even supposed to mean anyway? You fancy Jake’s choice ass and have done for… Jesus knows how long, and you just suddenly announce you always imagined me in those fucking swimsuits? Then you’re all fucking over me!’ I never looked up, my shades clinging onto my ears for dear life as I continued to furiously force away the tears. ‘What the hell does that mean?’

‘It’s complicated-’ he sighed again, reaching out to lay a gentle hand on my shoulder. I jolted and smacked his hand away, finally managing to look up at him. He was surprised at the pathetic state I was in, silenced by the fact that I was actually welling up.

‘You did fuck Jake last night, didn’t you?’ He didn’t answer. ‘Well I hope you fucking enjoyed yourself.’

‘Dave,’

‘Complicated, my fat, hairy ass!’ I snorted. He seemed to flinch. ‘You’re just a pervert; that’s all there is to it.’ I erupted to my feet and stomped to my room, fuming with pure hatred as I kicked a smuppet into the wall. It impacted with what I was sure would be a comical squeak if it wasn’t for the atmosphere.

Bro’s hand shot out and clasped my wrist again. ‘I’m serious, it is complicated. This shit is so convoluted I’m not even sure you’ll even manage to comprehend it.’

‘Yeah right, ass fucker. Go tell it to your precious “waifu”, Jake-’

‘You know how I was alone for years before you came along?’ I wasn’t sure what this had to do with anything, and he took advantage of my confusion to relentlessly press on. ‘Well… my guardian, my bro…’ His lips seemed to twitch. I couldn’t work out what emotion that was, but I could easily guess as he carried on, ‘he died.’

I was an insensitive little prick. I could have smacked myself as soon as the words left my mouth. ‘What the fuck has that got to do with me-?’ He just ignored me, thank Jesus.

‘I had… feelings for him that I shouldn’t have.’ He sunk onto the couch and forced me to sit right next to him, our thighs gently lingering against each other’s. It felt really odd. ‘He was never…’ He rubbed his hand over his face. ‘He was never home, and Jake and I started talking online. We became good friends, and soon I felt kind of the same for him too.’ I still didn’t get the whole point of this sob story. ‘But… I don’t think I’ll ever love him as much as Bro.’

‘Well that’s nice.’ Jesus I was such a douchebag. I was so horrific, someone could have hit me round the head with a steel smuppet ass and I wouldn’t even blame them.

‘Dave, seriously, just listen to me.’ He tentatively laid a hand on my thigh. ‘I was pretty hung up over it…’ he sighed as I pushed his perverted hand away. ‘When we played Sburb I never expected to see him again. So when we ended up doing some ectobiology in our session I was surprised when we ended up making a clone of y- him…’

‘Right.’ I bluntly said, fucking uninterested in his pathetic love life- seriously, this steel smuppet butt was so delayed.

‘Do you know where this is going?’ He cautiously asked.

‘Nope.’ I replied, inspecting my nails. Suddenly they were so interesting. Oh God was that one chipped? The horror. ‘I don’t particularly care to be honest.’

I fucking hated myself sometimes. Where was this hard smack to the head I desperately needed?

‘Bro, at least attempt to take me seriously please.’ He said. ‘You are insisting on being such an obtuse addlepate I’m not even sure I want to continue anymore.’

‘Oh, by all means, do continue.’

‘I don’t appreciate that sardonic tone.’ He was starting to get irritated with me now. ‘Look, what I’m trying to say is that-’

His cell rang again and I just looked at him, knowing exactly who it was and expecting him to rush to answer it. But he didn’t. He just sort of sat there, looking back at me, waiting for it to pass. As soon as the tinny length of his Baby Got Back ringtone cut short, he opened his mouth, only to get interrupted again.

He sighed and slipped it out from his pocket. I was right about who it was; fucking Jake was suddenly all over him like a fly over a buffalo carcass. Why couldn’t he just leave him alone? He was a sadistic fuck, that Jake English. I hated him.

He rejected the call and switched off his phone, looking at me with blazing eyes. I couldn’t help staring in surprise. He’d just ignored Jake. I would expect that if Roxy were calling him because he usually just enjoys riling her, but I never expected him to ignore Jake, and he wasn’t doing it in a teasing way.

‘You’re not going to believe me, but… you were my guardian.’

Tears forgotten, but still feeling pretty pissed off, I snorted a laugh. Bullshit. That was fucking impossible. He just sort of observed my reaction with dulling eyes, looking so disappointed I swear he was close to crying or some shit.

‘Good one, Bro,’ I wiped some tears away from my eyes (okay, so they weren’t completely forgotten) as I finished up my laughter fit, feeling all kinds of confusion, hatred and amusement. It was all a bit too much to handle.

‘I have proof.’ He reached under the couch, flexing over his legs. He yanked out a small box, tearing the tape from the lid and opening it with a strange desperation. He shoved it at me, and I just stared in at the contents.

The top photo was all I needed to see. That was definitely me there, older but nevertheless still me, standing beside a younger-version of Bro who looked as though he hadn’t quite got used to styling his hair yet. He was smiling awkwardly, while I just sort of stood beside him stoically, idly looking away as if I had more important business to attend to.

I grabbed the lid from Bro and slammed it on top of the box.

What the fuck was going on? Seriously. That couldn’t be me.

‘You were always like that. You never wanted to spend any time with me. I chose to think it was because you were busy with your ironic movies, but I know now that you were scared this would happen.’ He said. ‘But it will happen over and over again. Because I… I love you.’

‘Right, okay, whatever. But you still fucked Jake.’

‘I didn’t fuck Jake.’ He sighed. ‘It would probably be easier if I had given into his undeniable charms, but… no, I’m not like that.’

‘Then why did you leave me?’ I demanded.

He sighed. ‘You know I have feelings for him, but, being honest… I just thought I was going too far with you.’ He rubbed his hand over his face again, looking annoyed with himself. ‘I’m sorry I did that yesterday. You’re still young, and it wasn’t right of me to take advantage of you.’

I didn’t really know what to say. ‘So you didn’t fuck Jake? Then what the hell did you do with him?’

‘We caught up at a bar.’ He shrugged. ‘I thought you wouldn’t want me in your way after what I did to you, so I figured I’d rent a room somewhere.’

‘You’re just…’ I was going to say he was a dipshit but I stopped myself. ‘After all that shit over Jake, you come out and say you love me? You are one hell of a kind, I give you that, Bro-’

‘You used to call me Dirk back then.’ He absently said, reclining and stretching his arms over the back of the couch. His legs subconsciously widened, his knee lightly pressing into my thigh. He sure had personal space issues.

‘Bro,’

‘Like I said, it’s complicated. You’re just a kid. That’s how I’ve been forced to think of you over the past thirteen years.’ He sighed. ‘Naturally I grew closer to Jake.’ We were awkwardly quiet for a while, before he spoke again, a light chuckle behind his voice. ‘And then you started getting all jealous and it was just so irresistible; what’s a guy to do?’ I just looked at him. ‘So… what’s going to happen now?’

‘Shit all,’ I replied, getting to my feet. He looked startled by my answer, though I couldn’t decipher why. He had given me a fuck-load of sentimental shit which I really needed to chew over. It couldn’t be that much of a surprise that I wanted my own space.

‘I love you,’

‘Yeah, so you’ve said already. Stop being so fucking clingy. Honestly, what am I supposed to make of this, Bro?’ I sorted out my shades and tried to subtly adjust the swimsuit under my clothes. He watched with bright eyes. Pervert. ‘Maybe it would have been a hell of a lot easier if you just went ahead and fucked the shit out of Jake.’

‘Yeah, maybe.’ He said. ‘But… seriously Dave, don’t you understand how I feel about you? When you responded, I felt some hope that… that you might feel the same way.’ He was being so hesitant about what he said, it just unnerved me. ‘Like, now I feel like I have a chance with you-’

‘A chance with who-?!’

‘-All I want to do is be around you. If you’ll let me.’ He was acting like a fucking kid, I swear to Jesus. It was kind of creepy.

‘Bro, seriously, you’d feel the same fucking way if Jake showed you any attention.’

He raised an eyebrow over his bright eyes and said, ‘I didn’t. I pushed him away. That’s how I left him at the bar.’

Oh my holy Jesus.

Just what the fuck is up with the world? I wanted Bro to forget him, yeah, but I didn’t expect his next bitch to be… well, me. Goddamn. This was giving me a headache.

Although I had to admit, the thought of being his bitch was… yeah. Good.

Oh fuck this. I darted into my room, slamming and locking the door behind me. I had to think. Just… what was going on?


	5. Chapter 5

That night he forcefully insisted that we should eat out. What was significantly different about this time was that he decided to wear smart black trousers with a matching shirt and an orange tie. His glasses and fingerless gloves still remained though to emit the usual ray of douchebaggery, but he’d left his cap on the countertop.

He expected me to dress up to, but I had just snorted and told him to go fuck himself and that I would never be caught dead with a dirty old man like him. That did not lighten the mood or amuse him one fucking bit, so I ended up changing into some ratty-ass trousers I had worn once to a shitty school dance, and a white button-up shirt.

I wouldn’t let him anywhere near me, shoving him away when he tried to drape a red tie around my neck. His shameless confession had made things even more fucking strained between us. Just how could he even feel that way about me anyway? He was the poor bastard who had to change my diapers; didn’t that memory revolt him enough to make him forget about his “feelings”?

This was all just a pile of reeking horse shit.

He didn’t say a single word to me as we descended the flights of stairs, his expression forcefully blank behind those shades. He was obviously sulking like a sensitive little shit, but I didn’t give a fuck. What did he expect me to do? Leap into his arms like a freaking distressed damsel? No, that’s not how things worked.

It wasn’t as if anything could come from his “feelings” anyway. He’s my bro. He couldn’t be anything else; it was just wrong. I heard his breath begin to get heavier as we reached the bottom of the stairwell, finally reaching the bottom of the Christ-knows-how-many steps. I looked back over my shoulder at him as he stretched and blew out a loud breath.

‘Those stairs-’ He grumbled.

‘It’s because you’re getting fucking old.’ I venomously said.

‘I’m simply in my prime, David.’

‘Your prime,’ I repeated, snorting. ‘You never used to wheeze like a horny walrus.’

I heard him softly chuckle from behind me. His sulky mood had obviously vanished, despite my rude quips about his age. Jesus he is so fucking unpredictable.

‘Just look at this bod though. It’s never been sweeter.’

‘I’m not interested in looking at a greasy, middle-aged geezer’s wrinkly bod.’ I snapped. ‘You should be sweaty and obese with the amount of fried shit you eat.’

‘Middle-aged geezer?’ Now it was his time to snort. ‘I’m nothing of the sort.’

We left the apartment complex and piled into an awaiting taxi. Bro sure was being... suspiciously fancy. I almost wanted to get the fuck out the car; usually he was a fucking scrooge so this was all very suspicious. I guessed we were even eating in at least a half-decent restaurant since we were dressed up (which we never ever did). Maybe we were going to Pizza Hut.

Yeah, definitely Pizza Hut. He wouldn’t step into anywhere with any healthy menu options. Everything he ate had to be slathered with abnormal amounts of grease. It was fucking gross.

Bro stretched his legs, and his knee prodded into my thigh. There was no fucking way in hell he could be comfortable; his jeans were stretched and looking tight around his- NO DON’T EVEN FUCKING GLANCE THERE

I sighed deeply and punched his leg. He just smirked in response. Bastard. The taxi driver glanced at us in the rear view mirror, clearing his throat as he awkwardly observed how Bro raised his freaking leg and laid it over mine. Automatically I shoved the fucking thing away. Jesus Christ what the hell did he think he was doing?

We pulled up outside an expensive-as-hell restaurant. I almost snorted with laughter. Yeah, good one, Bro. Now where’s the takeout?

He got out the taxi, so I uncertainly followed, admittedly quite shocked when he marched in through the actual front doors of this restaurant. Had hell finally frozen over? Would my stomach now be able to properly digest some real, non-plastic food? It was a fucking miracle!

And as soon as we got through those doors (which could be mistaken for Heaven’s gates or some holy shit) we were ushered to a reserved booth at the back by a hot, busty waitress. Jesus, it really was heaven. When I managed to tear my eyes away from those fucking fantastic titties, I noticed Bro was flatly glaring at me from behind his shades. Okay, so it wasn’t quite heaven. I still had that soul-sucking asshole with me.

We slipped into opposite sides of the booth, and she hurried off to seat some other customers. She had an awesome ass too.

‘What’s the occasion?’ I couldn’t resist asking. It was a Saturday after all, the day we usually got korma or some spicy shit. He was looking at me, so I shoved my menu in front of my face and scanned through my options. Fuck me, lobster thermidor? What even the fuck is that?

‘Let’s just say there’s no occasion.’ He settled for, sighing.

‘Then you must be planning something-’ I slammed down my menu and glowered at him, ‘is this your shitty attempt at wining and dining?’ His lips twitched. ‘Don’t fucking laugh at me, dirty old man.’

‘You’re too young to be wined and dined, moron.’ He folded his arms over his chest and leant back, trying to look serious and cool but failing fucking miserably. ‘You would be a total alcoholic if I let you touch a single drop of wine.’

‘Like you’d order wine anyway,’ I snorted.

Just to be an asshole he signalled for the pretty waitress, and she came bounding up like an attentive puppy. ‘A bottle of your best wine, please.’ He was even being civil. Bro. Civil. I always imagined him to be a deranged gangster-wannabe, frowned upon by society and dropping “yos” everywhere. I did not expect him to be polite.

Fuck me, he was full of surprises tonight. I hadn’t even realised my eyebrow was raised at him until he cast me a cold glare. The waitress skipped off, and I watched her departing ass- depart. Maybe I was more of an ass man. But only women’s asses. There was no way in hell I could ever find a man’s butt attractive. Eugh, just... gross. Bro’s ass? Eugh. Don’t make me vomit.

‘You’re blushing.’ Bro noted with a flat voice. ‘If I catch you looking at that little slut again we are going to strife so hard-’

‘It just sounds like innuendo when you say it.’ I stated. We were silent as the waitress came back with his stupid order. She even had two wine glasses which she handed out to the both of us. Bro observed this with a raised eyebrow, but said nothing.

She left us again, trotting off through the tables as Bro spoke. ‘Serving to a minor. I could fire her-’

‘I’m with an ancient-ass adult.’ I looked specifically at him. ‘It’s legal.’

He grabbed the bottle from the iced bucket, pouring the red wine for himself. I expectantly raised my eyebrow, but he just threw the bottle back in the bucket and dumped the thing in the space beside him. I could have easily grabbed it if I scooted round, but I didn’t want to be anywhere near the pervert.

‘Look, Bro, I’m thirsty as fuck. Just give me some.’ I glowered at him as he downed the contents of his glass in one, completely ignoring me. What a deaf motherfucker. ‘Bro!’

‘David, how are we going to get home if we both get drunk? As attractive as the prospect of you being helpless and giggly is, I am also well aware that once I’m done here I’ll barely be able to walk.’ He poured himself another glass as I just dumbly stared across at him.

‘You’re drinking with the intent of getting drunk? Wow, what a great role model.’ I said, my voice thick with sarcasm.

‘You outright rejected me. I’m upset. What do you expect me to do?’ I slapped my palm to my forehead and gritted my teeth.

‘Are you doing this to get back at me?’

He removed his shades as he swirled his glass around, staring down at it with dark, amber eyes. I knew it; it was a fucking guilt trip. Well what did he want me to do? Shove my dick in his ass? Fuck no! Just... no. Never.

I ignored him and picked up my menu again. ‘Can you order me a...’

‘We’re having the lobster after a starter of mussels.’ He said, with just a hint of a smirk. ‘Then the chocolate cheesecake.’ I stared at him.

‘A bit fishy.’

He chuckled under his breath and murmured, ‘perhaps.’

He was acting very... off. I couldn’t have upset him that much, I mean, come on, he’s been more hung up on Jake than me for these past years. I had been practically invisible whenever it came to that tanned adventurer. What an awkward fucker of a situation this was-

I felt something brush against my leg under the table, and I froze. The fuck was that..?

I noticed the way his eyes were closely watching my face and my whole body tensed. That had better have been an accident. I narrowed my eyes at him from behind my shades, suspicious as a sleuth. Fucking horny bros... who needed them?

His foot lightly rubbed over mine. I didn’t hold back. Without a flinch, I thrust my foot into his shin and smirked at the yelp I got in response. Stupid fucking homo. What did he expect? I was no victim of his pedophiliac advances-

‘You gonna order or what?’ I callously said, feeling pretty smug with myself. He looked close to fucking murdering me right in the public eye, but he held himself with impressive restraint.

So he ordered, pissed off and with a definite enthusiasm for that shitty wine. He downed two more glasses and then some more (I don’t even fucking know, I lost count pretty quickly), so by the time the waitress came with our starters he was rocking in his seat, muttering unintelligible shit under his breath.

He slurped down the mussels and watched me with burning orange eyes as I tried to eat civilly. He was so distracting I ended up throwing a spoon at him. He weakly moaned but it didn’t prevent him from shamelessly squeezing my thigh under the table.

I was so pissed off at him I could have crushed a shell in my hand.

When the lobster came out he messily ripped off chunks of it and gnawed the meat like a fucking carnivore. Bro was acting like a total caveman. I was pretty sure I was red with both anger and embarrassment, but I just told myself to ignore him. He was just being an attention-seeking little fuck.

Next came the chocolate cheesecake. By now I was too stuffed of rich food to be able to handle it, so Bro gorged himself with both portions. Seriously, why isn’t that man obese already?

So in the end, we just ended up sitting there. I opted to watch other people fuck about as Bro wobbled in his seat, looking at me again with those drunken eyes. He was being so disturbing tonight. All I wanted to do was smack him round the face. He was being just as pathetic as he was over Jake- no, even more so. I’d never seen Bro get pissed like this; he was absolutely fucking smashed.

‘Daaaaaavvvvveeee, Daaaaaviiiidddd,’ I ignored his moaning and tried to pretend I wasn’t with him. What, who is this awesome dude Dave you speak of, insane old stranger? ‘Daaaaaaveeeeeey, Aishiteru-'

‘Would you shut the fuck up?’ He pouted and rested his elbows on the tabletop, his chin framed in his hands.

‘Daaaaaaaaavvvvvveeeeee,’ I was this fucking close to hitting him. ‘Daaaaaaaaaavveeee I want you to be my briiiide,’

I pinched the bridge of my nose. What a fucker. He reached out and tried to stroke my cheek, but I smacked it away. Seriously, what the fuck did he think he was doing-?

Oh no, oh fuck, he was scooting round the table to sit next to me. Not only to sit next to me though, but to completely smother me, snaking his arm around my waist and pulling me onto his lap. I hit his chest but he’s seriously fucking titanium. Titanium I fucking tell you!

‘Bro, you better fucking get off me-’

I could smell alcohol on his breath. It fucking reeked to high Heaven. ‘Whatchoo gonna dooooo?’ Oh God, where was his ironically perfect vocabulary? Why wasn’t he speaking like a normal human being-?

His hand roughly squeezed around my crotch, and I yelped, elbowing him. ‘Bro you fucking piece of shit!’ I was painfully aware of about thirty sets of eyes boring into our backs, but he didn’t give a single flying fuck. ‘People are staring!’

‘I don’t care.’ His speech was slurred as he nuzzled into my neck, taking a deep breath and oh my fucking God is he sniffing me?! I felt his hot, dry lips press against my neck, and I tensed. He still had his hand on my groin, roughly rubbing me, a hell of a lot more unpleasant than when he was sober. When he was sober... it was... well I did fucking like it, okay? So sue me.

‘I’m going home,’ I elbowed and kicked at him manically, bursting away from him. I didn’t give a shit that I was almost half-mast; it was just wrong, and I had to get out of here.

He fumbled with his wallet as I marched out the restaurant. He was surprisingly fast to catch up with me, but I was too angry to admire it. Fucking asshole what the hell was he doing?!

‘Don’t you feel horny?’ He asked, stretching the word out for emphasis. ‘I ordered aphrodisiacs essssspecially.’

‘Oh just fuck off.’ I shoved the doors open and tried to slam them on him, but the man is titanium.

‘Daaaaaaavveeeee-’

‘No, shut up.’ I snapped. ‘I don’t care-’

I heard a thud from behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to find him collapsed face-down on the tarmac.

‘Oh fuck.’ I rushed to his side, kneeling down and attempting to lift him to his feet. There was no fucking way in hell I could support all his weight. I was just about strong enough to sit him down though. He just sat on his ass, blinking in surprise and raising a hand to his nose, which was bleeding. ‘Oh shit, why the fuck did you do that-?’

‘Daaaaaaavveee,’

‘Shu-’ He roughly grabbed my jaw and slammed my lips against his. I could taste his shitty blood again... not that it was any different from our first kisses...

I tried to pull away, but his grip was titanium. I’m fucking serious!

So in the end I... I just let him. And I kissed back too. Shut up, okay? I couldn’t help it. He was an awesome kisser. I was being melted like a fucking popsicle against his lips.

‘Daaaaaaaaaaaaavvvvveeeeee,’ He whined, his mouth still against mine.

‘For once, would you just close your fucking trap?’ I patted his head fondly and withdrew from him, getting to my feet and grabbing his wrist, trying to yank him to his feet.

‘I love you.’

He sounded so sober, his eyes seriously dark and fixed on mine. My cheeks burned and I stared at him for a long while, dumbfounded.

‘Fuck, I love you,’ He repeated, shaking his head and hanging it in what looked like misery. When I didn’t say anything, he seemed to choke. ‘Just take me home, I want to go home.’

‘Bro,’

‘I said take me home,’ I dialled for a taxi as he rubbed some of the blood away from his nose, sniffling and looking unusually raw. I felt something inside lurch for him, and I found myself watching him sadly. As soon as I said our destination, I hung up and sunk to my knees beside him.

‘Dirk,’

He looked startled by the soft tone of my voice.

‘I... uh... I don’t do feelings... but... I didn’t mean to upset you.’ I closed my eyes and sighed, irritated at myself. ‘Look, you’re my bro. Don’t you think this is weird?’

He reached up and stroked my cheek. ‘Is it weird?’

I furrowed my brow at him. ‘Of course it is, we’re related.’

‘It’s not as if you came from my sacred loins,’ he muttered under his breath.

‘What?’

‘Nothing. I just don’t think it’s weird. I’ve never thought it’s weird. I’m in love, and that’s all that matters.’ He shrugged and rubbed his nose.

‘You’re very sober all of a sudden.’

‘Well a smack to the face is a very sobering circumstance.’ He grumbled. ‘But don’t change the subject, I thought I was just about to walk into the tepid waters of your affection-’

‘Well you weren’t.’ I sniffed. ‘My “affections” aren’t even “tepid”. They’re ice cold like my fucking heart.’

He stroked my cheek again. ‘Are they?’ His eyebrows were raised, and his eyes were soft and the color of apricot. ‘I’ll shut up and let you think for now. I know your feelings aren’t ice cold.’

No, no they definitely weren’t. And that’s what I hated.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up to the sound of the door slamming. I laid there staring at the ceiling, wondering how in the hell Bro had managed to physically lift himself from the futon after the state he was in last night. Luckily his nose wasn’t broken, so we didn’t have to fuck about in the hospital for very long. As soon as we got back to the apartment I went to my room and shut my door. I just assumed he collapsed on the couch.

I heard some mumbling rumble through the wood of my door. Seriously, could he be any louder-

Wait, was that a… that better fucking not be an Australian accent. I lunged to my feet, throwing my duvet off the bed with rage. What the fuck?! I thought Bro would forget about that little shit now!

I punched the door open. Bro was sat on the futon, looking pretty fucking irritated and kneading his forehead. He’d only just woken up; he was shirtless, his hair knotty and untamed and his shades absent from his face. He looked like he’d rather be anywhere but here.

‘Ahh, there you are, ole chap,’ he sounded real awkward. I didn’t even fucking care, I was much more distracted by his appearance. Was that a slug stuck to his upper lip, or was that just a shitty attempt at a moustache? What the fuck had he done to himself these past years? Was that a bowtie? Fuck me. What a dapper gentleman. I couldn’t help the smirk twitching at my lips.

‘What the fuck have you done with yourself?’ I couldn’t hold my thoughts back for the life of me. He just blinked at me for a long while, taken aback.

‘Uh…’

‘Dave,’ Bro ran a hand over his face, wincing as his fingers rubbed over his sore nose, ‘stay in your room.’

‘Fuck no.’

‘David,’ He looked tired and like he just wanted to kill every fucker in the room with him.

Okay, I knew when I was treading in dangerous territory. Time to back right the fuck out. I slammed the door on myself, but I couldn’t remove myself from that spot next to the door. I didn’t want to know the homo shit they were discussing. But I needed to know.

‘Okey doke,’ Jake said under his breath. ‘I get what you’re saying, Dirk, but you were all-too interested the last time I was in this apartment.’

‘Jake, bro, that was years ago. You pushed me away like I was diseased. I understand now that I made a dim error. My feelings for you are purely platonic.’

‘You follow me round every time I’m in Houston. You can’t just tell me your feelings are platonic, mate.’

‘I’ve found someone. Things have changed.’ I could tell by the rough edge of his voice that he was this fucking close to kicking Jake out the apartment. ‘We’ll just be bros, like we always used to be.’

‘I’m not wholly contented with that idea.’

‘Well get used to it.’ I heard the futon creak, and then footsteps over to the kitchen. I pressed my ear against the door, straining to hear what they were saying. Could they speak any quieter?!

‘Dirk, do you fancy me?’

‘Christ, Jake, that was tactlessly straightforward.’ Dirk said.

‘Just answer the freaking question, jerkwad.’

‘I might. But I’m not interested-’

I heard a thud. What the fuck was that?

‘Jake,’ I heard the blatant warning tone in his voice. ‘I’m not afraid to slash your head off.’

‘Oh, you,’ Jake’s snorty laugh ripped through the door. Jesus, how in the hell could Bro find that attractive, seriously? ‘Stop dawdling and kiss me already, I know you want to,’

Was that… was that a moan from Bro? WAS THAT A MOAN FROM BRO?!?! Snhdedhfehfejdffjefjfeffj JAKE BETTER NOT BE FUCKING TOUCHING HIM!!!

Wait, I don’t care. Look how many fucks I give. My shelf of fucks is empty. Empty.

‘No, fuck you,’ His voice was breathless. Had… oh no. Another moan, this one kind of choked. Fheffej what the FUCK was he DOING?! ‘Jake, I’m being serious, I’m this close to-’I heard him yelp, then a thud, then the door slamming.

Things did not sound good.

‘Dave, I know you’re listening.’

Oh fuck, what the hell? Was he psychic or some shit? Sighing, I reluctantly opened my door and leant against the doorframe. He was standing right by our front door, looking far more bedraggled than before.

‘You kicked him out.’ I dumbly said.

‘Yeah.’

I didn’t know what to say. Both options flying round my head would just encourage his vomit-worthy feely behaviour. There was the “why the fuck did you do that? You had a perfect chance!” and then there was a “you’re a fucking ass raper, I hate you so much, get out my sight, you just let him touch you like that right where I could fucking hear you”. I could easily imagine both of his reactions. “Aren’t you jealous?”/“Is that the uncanny voice of jealousy?”.

‘Do you want to get a burger?’ He bluntly said. ‘I want a burger-’

‘Bro,’ he just looked at me. I fucking floundered like a dumb shit and totally forgot what I was going to say.

He sighed and looked away. ‘Dave,’

‘What?’

‘Let’s get burgers.’

‘I just fucking woke up; I don’t want any shitty-ass burgers.’ He was looking at me again. I wish he would stop doing that.

No, no I don’t.

He kneaded his forehead between his thumb and forefinger, turning away from me and grabbing his cell from the counter. Jesus, how the fuck did he still want to eat after last night?

‘How’s your nose?’ He put his phone down without dialling for his order. Maybe he didn’t want burgers after all.

‘Painful.’

‘Good. You fucking deserve it.’ He glowered back at me. ‘Well you can’t deny it, Bro, you were being such a fat, massive attention whore.’ He looked close to throwing me out, like he had with Jake, but he stayed frozen to the spot, orange eyes bright. ‘I’m never letting you have any fucking wine again, that’s for sure.’

‘I would have done all that anyway without the wine, but with more composure. You looked damn straight last night.’

‘Damn straight?’ I repeated, snorting.

‘Did you think about what I said?’

I decided to ignore that particular question. What a tricky fucker it was… ‘I thought you were going to get some burgers.’ I stated, shifting away from the doorframe and heading into my room. ‘I swear you should be so fucking obese no-’

His arms were tightly secured around my waist, his body pressed up against my back. A shiver ran straight down my spine as he lightly kissed my hair. That fucking shit! He whipped me round before I could even yell at him, planting a kiss on my lips. As usual, I fucking melted. I could feel his mouth smirking against mine, before he slipped his tongue through my lips.

Jesus Christ… why the hell did it have to feel so good?

He gently slipped his hand down my chest, stomach, and under my pants. It was fucking uncool of him, but his other arm was still clamped around my waist so I couldn’t escape, even if I wanted to- no I did want to. Wait, I’m fucking confused.

His fingers carefully clutched my dick, and I gasped against his mouth. Fuck, it felt good. It pained me to interrupt. ‘Bro, get off, I know you’re only horny cuz Jake-’

‘Are you saying you’re not ready?’ He raised an eyebrow smugly, using the tone. Oh Jesus that tone.

‘What?’ Was that a fucking challenge? ‘Fuck no, of course I’m ready, stupid shit.’

He squeezed my balls and I squeaked in surprise. He chuckled lowly and nipped my bottom lip between his teeth. ‘Does this mean you love me, Dave?’

‘Fuck off-’ another squeeze, this time harder. Jesus, was he cockblocking on purpose? Why the fuck would he do that? This was what he wanted, right? Didn’t he want me to fucking nurse a boner over him? ‘Fine, whatever, I fucking love you, you jerk-ass pedophile!’

‘That wasn’t quite the way I imagined you saying that…’

‘Stop squeezing my dick already, you sadistic fuck!’ I punched his chest, and in response he marched forwards, forcing me up against the wall. I could feel my crotch burning as his fingers loosened around it, now only lightly tempting me.

‘Well that didn’t take much,’ His voice was breathy and heavy. ‘But unfortunately I’m too exhausted to carry on.’

I tensed up immediately. ‘You’re too exhausted to CARRY ON?!?!’ I ended up yelling right in his ear. I felt his body flinch against me. ‘Why start what you can’t finish, old man?!’

‘Oh I’ll finish you, alright.’ He darkly said, tightening his grip around my balls. I yelped like a kicked puppy. ‘We’re doing it. We’re making this happen. But tomorrow.’

‘Oh fuck off! You massive fucking boner kill!’ I kicked him in the shin and he staggered back with a low hiss. ‘No, we are not making anything happen!’

‘I know you want it, Dave.’ That tone. Hhnnnghhh

‘Go and order your fucking burgers, Jesus Christ-’

‘I could watch you masturbate, would that turn you on?’

‘Fucking hell, just get the hell out!’

He was full-blown laughing as he swanned out the fucking room as if I’d thoroughly amused him. What a fucking pedophiliac lunatic! I kicked the door closed but I could still hear his dumb-ass laughing through the wood. What an anus!

His laughter was cut short pretty quickly though when he switched on the TV after ordering his burgers. By that time I was done with… well yeah… so I sulkily went out to join him. The news was on, so he was just about to switch it over, but an image flashed up onscreen that made us both freeze.

Our apartment complex was shown onscreen, with an ambulance and police car blocking the view of the entrance. It looked as though there had been a serious traffic accident. It wouldn’t have been so unusual, if the reporter hadn’t announced the person’s identity.

‘Just a few minutes ago the body of an Australian visitor, Jake English, was taken to hospital from this very spot. It has been said that the driver of the vehicle that collided with the poor man was under the influence of drink-’

The screen went blank. I hesitantly peeked over at Bro. Was that… was that a single manly tear running down his cheek? Fuck. Oh fuck no. Poor Dirk. And Jade, Jesus, how would Harley take the news when she finds out? Shit.

I scooted across the futon and wrapped my arms around one of his muscular biceps, resting my head against his shoulder. This was a bad way for him to find out.

‘I’m alright.’ He forced out.

‘Don’t lie to me.’ He shrugged away from my grip and stretched to his feet, avoiding eye contact as he marched over to the TV. I thought he was going to hit it, but instead he ran a frustrated hand through his floppy hair.

‘Goddamn it.’ He hissed. ‘Fuck.’

I didn’t know what to say. I saw his shoulders shake as he choked. Was he really crying?

He collapsed onto the futon and wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling straight into my neck. Yeah, he was crying. Shit. What could I say? I wanted to make things better. Jesus, I would prefer him smirking at me or attacking me with a samurai sword; I wasn’t used to this emotional shit.

But I understood.

I laid a hand on his shaking shoulder, letting him hiccup into me. We stayed there like that for hours. We even ignored the burger delivery man.


	7. Chapter 7

Bro was still quiet the next day, pottering about with the swords from the refrigerator, stalking up to the rooftop without a word to me. I really didn’t have a fucking clue what to do. I understood that he had a right to grieve, but it was just totally fucking weird to see him with a face that was so purposefully blank it wasn’t even stoic.

I followed him onto the rooftop, and sat on the cement watching him, feeling completely lost. This Jake business had really knocked him sideways. When I pestered Harley she didn’t even have a fucking clue. I guessed news took a while to get to an isolated island near Australia. I didn’t have the heart to tell her some serious shit went down. I supposed she was having enough of a hard time being alone with her dog already.

I heard the clang of Bro’s katana against the cement, and then he slammed himself back onto his butt to sit across from me. He didn’t say a single word, and neither did I. There was nothing either of us could say.

‘I want burgers.’

How fucking wonderfully typical. I guessed he was back to normal then. Well, as normal as any man could be if the person he loved was killed the day before. Did Bro love Jake? It didn’t matter anymore, I guessed. Jake was gone now, and there was fuck all either one of us could do about it.

‘I’ll order you some shit.’ I got out my iPhone and started dialling. I had enough money to pay for it now that some of my ads profits had gone into my account. ‘Two cheeseburgers?’

‘Five.’ He solemnly answered.

‘No, I’m not letting you get fucking obese.’ I mean, two was already stretching it, especially when he always demanded fries to go with it. Not just the average portion though, but the supersize deal that barely any fucker could face without puking.

I told them to send it up to the rooftop, and there was a rather fed-up sigh at the end of the line. They knew us fairly well, this specific joint, so they were all well aware of the mountainous climb to our apartment. And when they had to go to the rooftop, they were less than fucking happy.

I hung up on the pissed off burger guy, and watched Bro as he reclined back, propping himself up on his elbows. I heard him sigh heavily. Jesus Christ, this was so unlike him. It wasn’t fucking right.

I tried to lighten the mood. ‘I thought you were going to finish me off today.’

He didn’t even look at me or smile. He just wore that same blank expression. ‘I don’t know what I’d do if you ran into the road.’ He thought aloud.

‘What the fuck? I would never be that stupid.’ I said.

‘What if you did it intentionally? Because I forced you into something you didn’t want to do?’ He looked at me again, but it wasn’t that look. His eyes were blank behind his shades, a little red from the lack of sleep and his tears yesterday.

‘Bro, Jake was pretty fucking dense, but he wasn’t that fucking dense.’ I said. ‘He would never have done it intentionally. He had Jade to live for.’

‘Would you do it?’

‘No I would never fucking do something so stupid. Even if you forced me into something.’

‘Dave,’

‘What?’

‘I know if I finished you off today, you wouldn’t want it. You don’t want any of the bullshit I force on you. I’m sorry I’ve made you put up with it.’

I could have agreed with him. I could have lied about it. But I didn’t. ‘What the fuck are you talking about? Bro- Dirk,’ his empty eyes followed my lips. ‘If I really didn’t like it I would have killed you by now.’

‘Your lying doesn’t make me feel any better.’ He said flatly.

‘I’m not lying! Fucking dipshit! You know me too well for this self-pitying crap.’ I reached out and punched his leg. ‘Jesus Christ, I give into my homo feels and you just fucking… urgh, you’re a massive horse dong, Dirk, a fucking horse dong.’

Was that a small smirk on his lips? ‘Horse dong? That wouldn’t be too bad.’

‘Oh shut the fuck up.’ I grumbled. ‘Asshole.’

‘If you’re not lying to me, why don’t you come over here and prove it.’

‘What?’

‘Kiss me. I want to experience your “homo feels”.’ I must have looked horrified. He collapsed back with a massive sigh. ‘Don’t give me false hope. You’re so cruel.’

So I fucking crawled over to him, leant over his lax body, and kissed him. Of course it wasn’t anything like when Dirk the master cunt kissed me, but I tried. I think he appreciated the effort anyway. He had better have fucking appreciated it.

He reached up and grabbed around my neck, forcing me closer to him as he deepened my attempts at kissing, sliding our mouths rhythmically over the other’s. He rolled over, throwing me over and under him, trapping me beneath his body weight. Jesus he was heavy as a fucking chunk of titanium.

‘Bro-’

‘Call me Dirk.’ He moved down my body, kissing at my neck and sucking at my collar bone, biting it lightly. I gasped, and in response he withdrew for a second to throw off my T shirt. He chuckled at my wonky shades, before grabbing them and flinging them away, along with his own. Fucking hell…

‘Dirk, what-?’ He silenced me with a kiss as his fingers scraped over my body. My skin felt prickly wherever he touched. Just… whoa, what the fuck…

He moved downwards again, securing his mouth around my left nipple, licking and sucking at it while he played with the other one. I just lay there, letting him do whatever he wanted. It felt fucking… Jesus.

But he withdrew, leaving me feeling naked. ‘Would you stop fucking doing that?’

‘Doing what?’ He innocently asked, stretching to recline back on his elbows.

‘Teasing me, douchebag.’ I replied, attempting to keep my voice low and cool. ‘I’m giving you the fucking go ahead.’

He crawled on his hands and knees to stretch out beside me, lying on his side and draping his arm over my waist. ‘Have some sensitivity; my best friend died yesterday.’

‘Fucking “waifu” more like.’ I mumbled grumpily.

‘If anyone’s my waifu, it’s you.’ He pointed out, resting his head on my chest. ‘So stop being so covetous, there’s no need.’

We laid in silence for a long while, staring up at the warm, blue sky. I could hear police sirens in the distance, wailing among the usual noise of congested traffic. I guessed it was kind of relaxing up here, listening to the faint noises of the streets below. So I didn’t blame the master cunt for dropping off into a deep sleep.

I swear his whole weight’s in his fucking head. It felt like lead was crushing down on my chest. But I didn’t bother disturbing him; it looked like he needed a hell of a good sleep to recover. I awkwardly patted his head, trying to be affectionate, but I just got a sleepy grumble in response.

So I just ended up lying there, staring up at the sky. The only time I bothered moving was to grab my wallet and pay the burger guy. He looked startled to find us there like that, but after I shot him an unhappy glare he dumped the bag of food beside me and scuttled off. He’d obviously heard what Dirk did to the last guy who irritated us.

He seemed to stir at the shitty stench of the greasy plastic, blearily reaching across me and grabbing the first burger. He didn’t even bother to move, just chewed against my chest.

‘Dude, you’re gonna get grease all over me!’ I complained, attempting to kick him away. Fucking shit’s titanium.

‘I’ll lick it off.’ He grumbled, dropping a piece of lettuce on me. He shamelessly turned his face and nibbled it right off my skin. Fuck, it felt weird. He just carried on eating, failing to notice the fucking heavy blush burning on my face. He started on his fries and chomped on his other burger, dropping stuff all over my chest.

‘Are you doing that on fuckin- hhh-’ He seriously had to stop eating off me. It was driving me fucking crazy. I wiggled beneath him as he roughly licked the mayonnaise off, then chewed on a slice of tomato, his teeth lightly grazing against my skin. Seriously… just… wow.

‘Does this turn you on?’ He devilishly asked, grogginess evaporating in the Texan sun. ‘If you’re lucky I might grab some cream-’

‘Oh, Jesus, shut the fuck up,’ my voice was so fucking breathless; I sounded pathetic.

He chuckled under his breath, gently sucking crumbs off my skin. Seriously, there were no right words to describe it. It was just fucking amazing.

As soon as he was finished, he nuzzled back into my chest, sighing deeply and closing his bright eyes. Jesus he was sure easily satisfied. But at least he was happier now. I was really fucking bewildered by his earlier, barely responsive state. I lightly patted his hair. I felt the corner of his lips twitch into a crooked smirk, his arm slipping around my waist again, sweet and gentle.

‘Goodnight, baby,’ I sarcastically said. He gently pinched my waist, and I flinched in response.

‘’night, pussycat.’ It didn’t even sound ironic. Jesus, what a moron.

Before I could attempt to one-up him, his breathing slowed and he snuggled deeper into me. I guessed I could get back at him another day.


	8. Chapter 8

‘Dirk, what are you..?’

He was leaning over me, eyes bright and glowing like orange lanterns in the monochrome of my room. I could feel my eyebrows furrowing in groggy confusion. Jesus I was tired. It had to be around three am. Just what was he doing in my room?

We didn’t really have a lot of time to ourselves over these past few days. Dirk had to travel round to get models to advertize some of his pornographic shit, leaving me alone with my computer to rot at the screen. It was still on now, humming in the background, the monitor on standby. I was sort of so used to it being on now that when I turned it off I felt so overwhelmingly alone. I had come to realize that it really did suck.

He must have just come back. He never disturbed me in my sleep; a few years ago he shook me awake to tell me that his porn had got over five thousand views, only to get roundhouse kicked in the face. No one awakes me from my sweet slumber. No one.

But I had fucking missed him. Hell, I don’t think I’d ever felt so alone before, drifting around the apartment without even Lil Cal for company. The puppet was a creepy bastard, but at least he tried to be social, I guess. Sat there, staring at you and fully expecting to have to listen to a shitty-ass conversation. He was nothing like a real person, like the master cunt Dirk, but it was better than having a blank, expressionless, humming machine.

It was fucking shit having to live alone. Especially when I kept thinking about what Dirk said. About the cream. Fuck, thinking about it made me blush so hard I was like a flustered schoolgirl just noticed by her “senpai”.

He reached out and stroked my cheek, leaving electric prickles along my skin. He leaned down and licked along my cheekbone, sighing lightly and slowly lowering his weight onto my body. ‘I missed you,’ he whispered against my ear. Fuck, he was using the tone… the tone that ignited and shook every nerve cell.

I clutched his shirt, keeping him close. I didn’t care how heavy he was or how claustrophobic it made me feel; I just needed him close; as close as I could get him. I took in his smell (I was seriously a desperate fucker), the musky scent of his sweat, the heady aroma of oil, and the usual smog of his cheap-ass deodorant. Anyone could mistake it as the scent of a spotty, teenaged metalhead, but it was just… so him. Okay, alright, fine. I loved him.

We lay together in the darkness for a while, just snuggled into one another and without a fuck to give. It had been hard to talk on Pesterchum; phat rhymes were hard to think of when my inspiration was off somewhere else. Harley had learnt of Jake’s accident, and had since been hard to talk to. She would just start crying and mashing blindly at her keyboard. And then I’d type ‘dont cry harley’ and she’d just mash ‘um nir ceying!!11’

‘Dave,’ He felt me nod against him, ‘I want to fuck you.’

And like that, my mood was fucking gone. Thank you, Bro. Goddamn, couldn’t we just… cuddle, or some shit? It was Jesus-knows-what o’clock and he wanted to fucking… fuck me?!

‘Jesus fucking Christ,’ my voice was splintered by sleep. ‘I’m tired,’

‘You don’t have to do anything; I’ll do all the work,’ he gently nipped my earlobe and I grumbled sleepily in response.

He didn’t pay any attention to my tired state, lightly drifting his fingers down my body, pushing under the waistband of my boxer shorts. It didn’t take much, and he smirked in response, smugly watching my face flush bright red. I had to admit I’d been dreaming about this in the hours he’d been gone.

He stripped me of my shorts, the elastic scraping against me. I lowly hissed as it dragged over my dick. Sadistic fuck.

‘I’ll be right back,’ he left the room, leaving me blushing and bare on my bed. Bastard.

He took his time too. I was getting harder and harder by the second, thinking about what he might have in store for me, almost to the point where it was painful. Just what the fuck had he been planning over his work vacation? Had he been thinking about this as much as I had?

Well I had never fucking thought he would wake me up in the early hours of the morning to steal the precious flower that is my virginity. Seriously, couldn’t he wait until fucking noon when I could wake up normally? I would be grouchy all the way through; and I wasn’t particularly in the mood for any shitty experimentation. I definitely wasn’t in the fucking mood.

He stalked in naked, holding a tub of what looked like… is that lube? Fuck, it’s lube.

He saw the look in my eyes and shook his head, sighing. ‘No, I’m not doing that. You’re obviously not ready.’ But then he started smirking. ‘But you’re going to be doing it.’

I could feel my jaw drop. ‘What.’ He popped open the tub, and my whole body stiffened. ‘What the fuck? I thought you said-’

‘You won’t be.’ He huskily growled. ‘I’ll be on top.’

Fuck, was it wrong of me to find that sexy? He rubbed the cold lube onto my dick, and I shivered in response. He was just smirking away, perfectly fucking happy. Selfish bastard. Selfish, sexy bastard- No, a selfish bastard.

He was going to clamber on, but I squeaked desperately, ‘Don’t you have to prepare yourself or some shit? Like in your yaois?’

‘So you did watch them?’ His smirk was seductive now, somehow. Little shit.

I ignored him. ‘I don’t have to shove my fingers up your butt do I?’

‘Do you have to ruin everything?’ He sighed boredly. ‘I prepared myself in the other room. I already told you: you don’t have to do anything. Tomorrow, on the other hand…’

‘Fuck no,’ I said. He just chuckled and clambered on, lowering himself onto my dick. I couldn’t help contorting my face. It was going to be fucking weird, I knew it. It was going to feel so fucking alien.

It did feel alien. I could feel him pushing relentlessly right down on me, his mouth releasing a sighing gasp as he settled on my hips. Fuck. He was tight. But I guessed I kind of liked it. He rocked forwards. I covered my face with my hands, embarrassed at my blush and my girly noise. It just felt… so good.

‘No, Dave, watch me, I want you to watch me,’ He leant over and pulled my arms from my face, securing his hands tightly around my wrists so I couldn’t resist. He saw the look on my face and his lips pulled up into the hottest fucking shit-eating grin I’d ever seen, the expression intense and vivid in his eyes.

He rocked again, and I stifled back my noises. He, on the other fucking hand, decided to go full volume, grinding his hips into mine and starting up a rhythm, dipping deeper and deeper with every movement. ‘Fuck, fuck yes,’ I didn’t know whether to tell him to shut the fuck up or to scream my fucking name.

I started moving too, thrusting up to meet him, whining against my gritted teeth and squeezing my eyes closed. He seemed to be having too much of a fucking ball to notice, making noises I was pretty sure a porn star would be jealous of, running my hands over his toned abdomen, down to his dick. Jesus fucking Christ he was so good at this.

‘Dave,’ He panted, with a particularly vicious grind. ‘Dave, watch… watch me…’

I opened one eye, trying to pull back one of my arms so I could watch between my fingers, but he was a cruel fucking bastard. Oh, Jesus, the face he was making… I regretted missing some of the show; he looked fucking beautiful, an alpha male reduced to pure flesh and sweat, his eyes burning and mouth sighing. God…

He was having such a fucking good time, and – although deep down I fucking hated myself for it – I felt exactly the same.

I came, and he knew it, his shit-eating grin lazily returning as he carried on pumping his hips, losing his rhythm a bit as my thrusting faltered. Jesus fucking Christ, I’d never came so hard in my life, not even imagining this shit.

‘Dave,’ he whispered, slowing the pace, his grin still smugly fixed on his lips. ‘We did it-’

‘No, not any of your crap,’ I could barely speak. ‘You’ll fucking ruin it.’

He chuckled, the throaty sound reverberating through his whole body. I imagined he had a sore throat. After all that fuss he was making I wasn’t fucking surprised. Not that I didn’t like his fuss…

He rolled off me and rubbed his fingers through my hair. I sighed in response, his hand leaving a trail of heat on my scalp. ‘I assume you don’t mind if I go and tend to this,’ he loosely gestured to his hardened member, and my face automatically burned up.

‘Just go already,’

He chuckled and whispered, ‘I can just do it here…’

‘Not on my fucking sheets!’ His smirk was just permanently fixed on his face.

‘We just had sex on your fucking sheets-’

‘So?! I don’t want your fucking mess where I have to sleep!’ I shoved him off the bed, but he just chuckled. Seriously, he didn’t give a single shit.

‘Alright, fine,’ his voice sounded raw. Obviously he’d been way too vocal. It was kind of sexy. Fuck, he was just really sexy tonight.

He left me alone for what seemed like forever. I sat there staring at the ceiling.

What the fuck did we just do? Dave, what the fuck did you just do with your bro? I shoved the thoughts to the back of my mind with a firm furrowing of my eyebrows. Fuck that shit. What’s done is done. I couldn’t regret it now. How could it be wrong when it felt fucking right?

Exactly, it couldn’t, and who gave a shit anyway? Not me, and definitely not Dirk. Fuck no, definitely not him. He was pretty much rolling in these homo feels like an excited dog.

He returned, slipping onto the bed next to me and wrapping his arms around my waist. He pulled me into his warm body, and I reached up to slip my hands over his back. We’d never been so intimate before. Ever.

‘Was that alright with you?’

‘You ask that question now?’ I snorted. ‘Piece of shit.’

‘I’m being solemn and considerate for once, David.’ Considerate? Now I thought about it, when was he anything but?

‘It was fine.’ I sighed. I mumbled an afterthought, hoping he couldn’t hear, ‘better than fine,’

He fucking heard alright. ‘Do you think you’ll want to do it again sometime?’

What a question. I answered it awkwardly, ‘maybe.’

We lay in silence, safe in each other’s arms, breathing together and just taking the chance to relax. I still had something to say though.

‘Don’t stay away so long next time.’ I bluntly said, trying to sound cool and uncaring.

‘Did you miss me?’ He playfully teased.

My answer was as coolly serious as I could possibly make it. ‘Yeah.’

He smirked and softly patted my head. Obviously that was exactly what the sadistic fuck had wanted to hear. I nuzzled deeper into him and sighed. Sadistic fuck, sure, but I… still managed to have feelings for him. Jesus I am so dumb.

He fell asleep before me. I could hear his heartbeat, steady and strangely soothing as I lay my head against his chest. I really was a fucking idiot.

Enlightened by that gracious knowledge, I shut my eyes and slipped off into a dream world, comfortable in his arms.


	9. Chapter 9

I was surprised he was still there, naked, with his arms around me when I woke up the next day. He was a crazy shit; usually he woke up at six in the morning, smashing things around and trying to be the loudest he could just to force me up. He was a fucking asshole like that sometimes, not that I would actually wake up. I rose when I pleased. I was like the fucking pharaoh.

I stared at him with my brow furrowed. He was crookedly smiling, the back of his hand lightly stroking my cheek. Everything was blurred from sleep, but I could hear him laughing as clear as day. Obviously my confusion amused him. He reached behind him and grabbed for a takeout box. I guessed this was his shitty attempt at breakfast in bed. Greasy Chinese… how fucking romantic.

I started eating with a reluctant sigh. Seriously, how in the hell did I start feeling this way for him? The guy who thought he could charm his way into my bed through oily, fried food.

Well it had worked and that was the worst part of it. And I hated fucking takeout.

‘So,’ he started casually, ‘when are you going to put on that swimsuit for me?’

I froze, the chopsticks slackening in my hands, dropping some noodles. That swimsuit? Did he mean the girls swimsuit I had tucked away in one of my drawers, or did he mean my trunks? I hoped to a god I didn’t even believe in that he meant my trunks. Please say he meant my trunks.

He was smirking, pleased at my shell-shocked reaction. That little shit. ‘You know the one.’ He nuzzled at my face, completely unaware that he was treading into very dangerous territory. No way. No way was I wearing that shitty thing again. ‘I’ll beg, if that’s what it takes.’

‘It’s not going to work, asshole.’ I coolly said, regaining my composure. ‘There’s no way in hell I’m shimmying back into that thing.’

‘Even for a repeat of last night?’ He nipped at my bottom lip and smirked at my heavy-lidded expression. Shit. He had me.

‘No,’ I said, still trying to play it cool, shaking off my submission. ‘Like I would even want that. Come on-’

He skimmed over his teeth with his tongue, and I felt myself twitch. Fuck. ‘I’ll do whatever you want.’

‘N-no.’ I swallowed down my shakiness. ‘I’m not wearing that fucking thing ever again.’

His tongue slipped into my mouth. He was being such a fucking tease. ‘I’ll fuck you real slow.’ Jesus, it was taking a hell of a lot to stop myself from getting hard. Fuck, I was going crazy…

‘F-fine!’ I slammed my takeout box on the side and marched over to my drawers, grabbing at some navy lycra and rushing to the bathroom. Fuck it; he was just too damn sexy. And the shit fucking knew it!

I was practically ripping my clothes off; I wanted this. I wanted him to fuck me. I didn’t even care about the swimsuit anymore, as long as he gave me what I wanted. Jesus I’d never wanted anything so fucking badly.

I bulldozed the bathroom door and headed straight to my room. Okay, my excitement sort of drained away then, because I actually realized what the fuck I was doing. I was in a girl’s swimsuit. For Dirk, my bro. And what the fuck was I supposed to do in it? Was I going to have to roleplay? Fuck I hated drama. I hated taking part in my kindergarten’s Christmas play. I hated everything to do with it.

I was not acting as some girl or some shit. No. Nuhuh. Fuck that shit. Dirk watched me curse in the doorway with a raised eyebrow, his smug smirk still on his face. He was looking me up and down like a wolf would look at a lamb. I was too busy being a fucking worrywart to realize what a powerful position I was in. I mean, he looked pretty damn hungry; I could stretch this out and tease him with my lycra-clad ass. I bet he’d fucking love that.

‘Dave,’ his voice was breathy- that tone. ‘Dave, come here,’

I snarled at him, ‘No fucking way, pervert,’

The noise that came from him wasn’t human. Was he… he couldn’t be getting off on this, seriously. It was just… insane. His face was bright pink as he crawled off the bed, straight towards me. He took my hand and kissed at it like I was a fucking goddess or something. His eyes were heavy and he was shaking and- oh my fucking fuck he was just a sexy, quivering mess.

All because of a swimsuit and an insult. That was all it fucking took.

It was finally my turn to chuckle, dragging a hand through his waxy hair, delighted at the shiver and gasp I got in response. ‘I thought you were going to fuck me real slow,’ I snidely noted. He nodded against my hand, still gripping my other one to his mouth. ‘Then what’re you waiting for, old man?’

He yanked me down to the floor, forcing me to lie back as he roughly grabbed my thighs and pulled me towards him. I blinked up at him in shock as he roughly grabbed at my lycra-clad ass, pinging the elastic against my skin before he moved completely away, reaching for the lube. Oh shit. Ass-grabbing and lube only meant one scary-ass thing.

‘No,’ I flatly said.

‘I’ll be gentle,’ he huskily growled, tugging the swimsuit off my body. Jesus, what a waste of time that was. And what a disappointing end result. I thought it would be exactly the same as last night, just maybe better now I knew what the fuck I was doing. ‘I know you want it Dave.’

He popped open the tub and rubbed his fingers in the shitty stuff. Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!

‘Dirk, I-’ Like he’d even pay any fucking attention to my whining.

He slipped a finger inside me, and I laid back, gasping. Fuck… He put another finger in and I cried out. He slowly pushed them further in. Everything was deliberately careful and tentative; he knew I was pretty much a total virgin, or at least I was until last night.

‘Does that feel okay, Dave?’ He asked. I was gnawing off my bottom lip, trying not to make any sort of noises. Fuck, it hurt more than I expected. He was extra cautious as he pushed a third finger in. My arm flew to my face, covering my eyes. I was pretty sure a manly fucking tear had burst from my eye. I didn’t want him to see.

Jesus I must have looked like a right fucking state, eyes covered, hair a mess, face ablaze and with my teeth digging into my lip. He gently moved his fingers in and out of me, but I couldn’t help wincing every time. He withdrew his hand and dipped it into the lube. I knew what he was about to fucking do and I didn’t like the idea one fucking bit.

After rubbing some onto his hardened member he pushed into me. I couldn’t help the hiss that escaped from behind my teeth. F-f-fuck! He leant over me, positioning my lower end into his lap and my legs over his shoulders, gently rocking.

I didn’t dare cry out, chewing on my bottom lip and hoping he didn’t notice how much this actually hurt. I didn’t want to be a massive cock blocker. It wasn’t just the pain though; it just felt really odd to have him… well, to have him inside me. Fuck, it was just really… weird.

He didn’t go very deep; hell he was barely in. I’d seen the size of his dick. He was being really careful, and it just made me feel really fucking guilty.

‘Dave,’ he whispered softly, ‘do you want me to stop?’

He fucking knew. He knew it hurt like fucking hell.

‘Just fuck me properly already!’ I didn’t want to disappoint him- fuck, since when did I start caring so much?

‘Seriously, do you want me stop?’ He didn’t move his hips at all, reaching forwards and pulling my arm away from my eyes. He saw the shitty tears. ‘Okay, I’ll stop now,’

‘No!’ I shook my head. ‘Just stop worrying and do it already. Fucking hell!’

He pushed himself in real deep. I cried out but he didn’t stop. He started to move, grinding into me, making sure he was doing it slowly. I just laid there and endured it. It was really fucking uncomfortable, that was for sure. I’d never even dared to imagine this before, and fuck me I’d heard about the pain but I didn’t expect it to be like this!

This never happened in his fucking yaois!

The pain started to subside as he started grinding into a particular spot. My cries weren’t of pain anymore as my fingers dug into the skin of his thighs. What was this? It actually felt… oh Jesus…

‘Have I found it?’ A soft smirk tugged at his lips as my nails dug into his thighs. Fuck…

‘What the… oh my fucking… Dirk… D-deeper…’ I couldn’t believe what the fuck I was saying. Just a few seconds ago I wanted him the fuck out, and now I wanted him as far in as possible. I gasped like a fucking girl when he drove himself in further, my head flopping back against the floor as he chuckled with satisfaction. ‘Oh fuck yes…’

‘You like that, pussycat?’ I couldn’t even death glare at him, I was driven completely fucking crazy.

His hand rubbed my stomach as he kept grinding, confident know he’d found that particular spot. I was so glad he’d found it; I almost thought the whole thing was going to be painful. Now I understood why he’d been so enthusiastic last night. No, enthusiastic wasn’t the right word for it: invigorated.

‘Dirk,’ He leant further over me and took my bottom lip between his teeth, nibbling seductively as he kept pushing himself into me. ‘Oh Dirk, fuck…’

He was panting, his voice rough. ‘I’ll have to pull out soon…’

‘No, no, fuck no,’ I pushed my hips against him, crying out in both pain and pleasure when his dick went a little too deep. I tried to move against him like he had done with me, but my attempts were fucking feeble. ‘We’re doing it, we’re making it happen.’

He groaned. That definitely turned him on; I could feel him throb inside me. ‘Dave,’ That tone… I pushed against him again, forcing him to respond with a rather violent shove of his hips. My gasp was too high-pitched for a guy. Way too high-pitched.

‘Again,’ I pleaded. He obeyed. I swear I just about bit my lip off trying to stop another of my fucking girly gasps. He reached forwards and grabbed my jaw, keeping my mouth open as he thrust again. His magnificent shit-eating grin found its way to his face as another satisfied gasp escaped me.

‘You’re beautiful, pussycat.’ He stroked my face with his other hand, rocking his hips and smirking smugly at my noises. ‘But I seriously have to pull out. I’m about to-’

‘I want you inside me,’ I breathlessly announced.

He shuddered, obviously pleased, but pulled out like a bitch anyway. And Jesus did that hurt more than I expected.

He attended to himself straight away, needing only two pumps of his hand before he came on the floor. He attended to me with a devilish smile, and it wasn’t long before I came in his hands. Fuck, why did he have to be so good at all this shit?

I lunged at him and clutched at his naked back, shivering and with tears slipping from my eyes. Damn it, I just couldn’t stop myself. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his lap, kissing at my hair and nuzzling into my face. ‘Are you hurt?’ I shook my head. Sure, it felt like I was fucking bruised inside but it was worth it. I mean, after the awkwardness at first it felt like fucking heaven or some shit. ‘Did you like it?’ I nodded, and I heard his throaty chuckle.

‘Did you?’ My voice was quiet.

‘Of course I did,’ he was outright laughing now. ‘Wasn’t it obvious?’ He ruffled my hair fondly, kissing my forehead and holding me tighter, still laughing away to himself.

‘I love you,’ I mumbled into him.

He was too busy laughing at my apparently stupid question. ‘What?’

I sighed. ‘Nothing. Pervert.’

He playfully growled. I couldn’t help the smile that pulled at my lips.


	10. Chapter 10

Dirk was tinkering with this old radio when I rose from my slumber the following afternoon. I felt so fucking bruised I ended up hobbling everywhere, which he observed with an obnoxious smirk. I just glared back at him, although he had knowingly turned back to the radio and started twisting the dials. As usual, he was being an ignorant shit.

I took a long sip straight from the long-life milk carton. The stuff tasted absolutely disgusting, but it was the only milk we could store seeing as his ninja shit was packed in the refrigerator. He cast me a disapproving look but I just innocently blinked at him from behind my shades. This was coming from the guy who hadn’t hesitated to eat burgers off my chest.

The radio blurrily started up. He made final adjustments with a screwdriver before twisting the dial again. The tinny voice of a radio host hummed from the speakers. He could have tuned it to a good station at least, Jesus, how hard is it to find 97.9fm or something? He smirked when he noticed my lip twitch in annoyance. Was it seriously his mission to piss me off whenever he wasn’t chasing after my ass? Fuck, what a great relationship.

He lowered the radio to the counter as a slow song started up, turning to me and holding out his hand. I raised an eyebrow. Me? Slow dancing with him? Fuck no. Striders never did anything that uncool, not even for the irony. He kept his hand out, expectant and patient, but I was never going to do anything that mortifying, not even for him-

Fuck him and his persistence. He grabbed my hand and forced me into his arms. I wouldn’t have minded too much, I guess, if he hadn’t wanted me to sway with him. I sighed and slipped my arms around his neck. I guessed one song in the privacy of our plushy apartment wouldn’t hurt. I awkwardly moved along with him, my hips aching from yesterday’s… well, yeah. Ultimately this whole dancing shit was fucking uncomfortable.

He nuzzled into the side of my face, his lips right by my ear as he started singing along. Fuck, what the hell? ‘I can hardly wait to hold you, feel my arms around you,’ he tightened his grip around my waist, and I tensed up. What the fuck was he doing? He ignored me, huskily breathing the lyrics in my ear. ‘How long have I waited, waited just to love you,’ I shivered as he gently kissed my cheek.

Fuck, I was melting again. What the hell was wrong with me? And what the hell was wrong with him? Since when did he like this sort of music? Since when did he want to slow dance with me? Jesus, things were motherfucking bizarre.

He leaned in and burrowed into my neck, softly kissing me as he slowly rotated us on the spot. I’m sure the whole thing would have been a whole lot more fucking romantic if my foot hadn’t found its way into the rump of one of his puppets. It squealed, scaring the shit out of us. The atmosphere was ruined, and he ended up pulling away with a sigh, switching off the radio.

‘Well that was a ruined effort.’ He stated, turning back to me and leaning back against the counter, arms folded over his chest. ‘You did that on purpose, didn’t you?’

‘Of course I fucking didn’t.’ I said, hobbling over to the sofa. At least I could sit down now… ‘Big fucking homo.’

He settled onto the seat next to me, casually snaking an arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer. He sure did like to have me claustrophobically near. I guessed I was kind of getting used to it now though. It was pretty fucking clear he wasn’t going to let me go until he was satisfied.

‘Did anything come for me in the mail?’ I asked, starting up a strained casual conversation.

‘Nope. What were you expecting?’ He replied, patting around the sofa for the remote.

‘A game. Rose and John said I should play it with them. So I thought why the hell not and ordered a copy.’ Dirk stopped searching for the remote.

‘Oh? What game is that?’

‘SBurb.’ His arm started crushing me, and he was staying very still. Oh shit, was a strife coming on? Why was ordering SBurb such a bad thing? I mean, I saw his copy lying round but I figured I’d buy one of my own seeing as he was a selfish shit sometimes. I didn’t think he’d appreciate me wordlessly stealing his discs and fucking shit up around the apartment without warning him (I was planning the mail packaging with the logo would have been a big enough motherfucking clue).

Slowly his head pivoted to face me. I swear to sweet baby Jesus his eyes were practically burning through his shades. ‘SBurb?’ He flatly repeated. Oh fuck, oh shit, I was treading on some dangerous ground alright.

‘Yeah.’ I replied, acting as cool as I could. I could feel myself beginning to sweat. Shit. He was making me real edgy.

He was silent for an unbearably long time. I awkwardly averted my gaze, well aware of his heated glare. It was just a game; there was no need to get pissed off over it. It wasn’t as if it was a blood and gore massacre game or some shit.

‘I don’t think you should play that game.’ He solemnly said, his eyes fixed on my face, scrutinizing me. He could probably see that I was sweating. Fuck him. He didn’t have to get all stressy over this.

‘I have to now, I was planning to piss off Rose by refusing to join the session-’

‘Dave, that game is dangerous.’ I burst out laughing, thinking it was all a prank. I knew John well enough to recognize a prankster’s gambit going down.

‘I smell bullshit-’

‘David, I’m being completely serious. Look at me. No, seriously, look at me. Do I look like I’m bullshitting?’ I can confirm that he didn’t look like he was bullshitting, but then again, his face was always pretty stoic when he was trying to fuck my shit up.

‘Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? It’s just a shitty-ass game. What could possibly go down?’

‘A whole lot.’ He bluntly said. ‘Come on, just listen to me for once. All I’m asking is that you don’t play that one game. It’s not a big deal. Stop being a pussy.’

Me being a pussy? Oh yeah, sure. Says the guy trying to make me believe that something bad was going to come of using some shitty video game. Yeah. I was a total pussy.

‘I’m playing it, Dirk.’ I said, trying to sound final. He didn’t pick up on that.

‘What do I have to do to make you listen?’ He sighed. ‘Do you want a blowjob? I’ll give you one if you throw away the discs as soon as they come through the mail.’

Though I hated to admit it, the offer was surprisingly tempting. However John had nagged me for fucking ever to order the shit for when his arrived. After all that whiny shit and Rose’s “subtle” hints, I kind of had to play now. I would let them down for ironic purposes only, and then play with them later. What kind of friend would I be if I made a promise and never got round to fulfilling it?

‘Nope. No fucking way.’ Not to mention that it cost me a lot to have it shipped from Jesus-knows-where. Turns out they didn’t produce very many copies. Obviously one of those freaking rip-off betas or some shit. ‘Not even for two.’

‘Please?’ He whipped off his shades and gave me puppy-dog eyes. The effect wasn’t there; I was more concerned about the fact that he was still crushing my arm. Fucking asshole. ‘Dave, I don’t want you to get hurt. I can’t sit here and watch you befoul your life.’

Oh, you melodramatic motherfucker. ‘It’s a game, dick-splash, how the fuck is a game going to hurt me?’ I sardonically queried. ‘What, will I slice open my snow-white skin on the razor-sharp edge of the disc?’

‘At least try to take this seriously.’ His expression was unnervingly grave. He had kept up this prank for too long. I was kind of starting to believe him.

But what sort of harm could a game do? I knew it could fuck up my environment, but it wasn’t like there wasn’t anything fucked up already. Things wouldn’t change at all. The only thing that was going to change was that I wouldn’t have very much time left for him anymore if I had to sit on my ass all day and fuck up someone else’s shit.

Wait. Maybe that was why he was trying to stop me from playing the game. Was he… was he attention seeking? Was he afraid I wouldn’t pay him any attention if I was busy pissing off my friends by beating them at that piece of shit game?

‘You’re jealous.’ I stated.

‘Jealous of what?’

‘I’ll be too busy playing SBurb to spend quality bro time with you.’ He laughed, but the sound was tensed.

‘Yeah, sure. If you want to believe that. But I know you would still want quality bro time. You enjoyed yourself yesterday, didn’t you?’

I chose to ignore that comment, uselessly attempting to stop my blush before it spread. ‘I never wanted any of your fucking bro time. It’s lame as shit and makes me feel like you’re trying to suffocate me.’

There was a very heavy silence. ‘So…’ his voice sounded weird. ‘So you… you don’t want this? You don’t want to be… with me?’ I furrowed my brow. The fuck..?

‘What are you-?’

‘Then I’m sorry.’ His voice and expression was guarded as he slammed to his feet. I flinched.

‘Dirk, I wasn’t talking about- I was just- I’m just fucking embarrassed-’ I’d never been so flustered and at a loss to say. That wasn’t what I meant at all. I just meant that… before all this, he was awesome and all but I didn’t like his attention; he was like a constant noose around my neck. Now, things had kind of changed.

Yesterday that wasn’t bro time. That was… love. How could he even think I could categorize that as bro time? Sure he was overly affectionate trying to get in my pants or some shit, but it was different and I didn’t mind that so much because I actually fucking wanted it. With bro time, he just liked to eat and be a general douchebag; even though it was in the spirit of irony it unironically pissed me off.

Yesterday… I was unironically in bliss.

He started marching for the refrigerator, grabbing his favorite unbreakable katana and storming towards the front door. What the fuck was going on? What the fuck was he doing?

‘Dirk, I didn’t mean that yesterday w-’

‘Bye.’ He wrenched the door open and marched through.

‘No, wait! I lo-’ the door slammed closed ‘-ve you,’

Fucking…

I leapt from the couch and sped after him. The elevator doors were sliding to a final close as I managed to catch up. I took the stairs, bolting down them as fast as I could, panting like an obese middle-aged man and feeling pretty damn tortured.

Why the fuck did I say that? I seriously lacked fucking tact. I couldn’t even say it was a bad joke for the irony; I had been so fucking solemn and stupid. But surely he had to know… I said I loved him yesterday, he had to know. Why else would I let him do those things? What a fucking asshole, how could he even say that was bro time, weren’t we more than that? Of fucking course, why else would he let me call him Dirk?

I reached the lobby. He was marching outside the front doors to a readily awaiting taxi. I rushed out onto the busy street, but by that time the engine had started and the car was pulling off. Fuck. I couldn’t even run in front of it.

That was the last time I’d ever see him before the game started. I tried to pester him, explaining what I meant and trying to convince him to come back to the apartment, largely consisting of insults, and then when I realized how long he’d been away and how much I missed him, some very pathetic begs. He didn’t reply to a single one, although I had a feeling it was also to do with the fact that I was still ignoring his stupid advice on SBurb. Piece of shit.

I hated myself for my stupidity. Fucking hell. I really did miss him.


	11. Chapter 11

I always got nervous whenever I found myself heading back to the apartment in the back of a taxi, maintaining a cool outer exterior but still shitting bricks on the inside. He was fourteen now. Shit was complicated. The game killed him and then gave him life again. No wonder he put up so much of a fight to stop me getting his discs after mine were trashed.

But shit wasn’t just complicated at the apartment, which I barely went back to anyway now I had my career. I knew soon I would have to face the Mirthful Executives.

I didn’t want to think about it too much. I was already shaky enough without worrying about what was ahead of me. He would just look at me, all-knowing and wise, like he knew I hated being in the apartment around him. He made me feel so fucking guilty, but what could I do about it? It was just so awkward being around him, knowing he was the younger version of the guy I fell in love with, and slowly starting to slip into that familiar, bro-like personality.

He was practically Dirk now. His hair still needed some work, but he was just about there. He took the picture he’d showed me before the game the last time I visited, but what he didn’t seem to realize was that I looked awkward and uninterested because he was just so close to me, I could barely stop myself from slamming him into my arms.

I thrust some cash at the driver and slipped out the car, heading towards the lobby. Same complex as usual. Glad to see nothing had changed but the shitty neighbors. Oh, and the elevator had stopped working. Shit. Now I had to haul my ass up a million fucking steps, wrestling with my luggage.

I hadn’t warned Dirk about my visit, so I didn’t have the usual lurking pubescent boy at the top of the stairs. Times like those reminded me about what he had said to me a long time ago; that he had feelings for me all the way back to now. Sometimes I felt like taking advantage of that, but I’d made a promise to myself that I’d never do that to him. Things would get confusing.

I shoved through the front door, dumping my stuff on the floor, among the puppet rumps. He didn’t have as many as I was used to back then, but he was definitely fucking close to catching up. I kicked open the door to his room (it used to be my room, but now it was filled with all his robotic crap and puppet shit) and ‘yo’ed on my way to the refrigerator, which was half-filled with his ninja paraphernalia. Everything I’d bought for him last time was still in there, rancid and stinking up the place.

I sighed as I hefted it all into the trash chute. What a waste of my fucking money that was. I guessed he’d already started taking a liking to takeouts already. I noticed some of his leftovers on the side. Seems like he’d discovered that place he used to love just down the road. I almost smiled. Yeah. That was Dirk alright.

‘You didn’t tell me you were coming home.’ He stated, as he emerged from his room. ‘If you had told me I could have ordered some food in.’ He closed his door behind him and headed towards his- well, my futon, taking a seat and watching as I kicked my luggage further into the apartment. ‘How is work? Monotonous?’ He said it a little too hopefully, and I couldn’t help raising a corner of my lips in amusement.

I stopped kicking around my stuff. ‘Same as ever. It’s not as busy as it used to be. I don’t have another project-’

‘Does that mean you will be staying here for a while?’ He was always so hopeful it almost killed me to say no.

‘No, I’ve got other shit to attend to, man.’ I said. ‘Sorry, Dirk.’ I sunk onto the couch with him, awkwardly mussing my hair. ‘Anyway, I’m kind of tired. I’m going to set up the futon and take a power nap.’

‘Oh, alright.’ He was a little bit taken aback. I thought he would have been cooler than this, seriously. ‘I will be in my room then.’

He left as I unfolded the mattress and chucked on a duvet. I undressed down to my boxers and slipped into my bed. Jesus. Shit was so fucking awkward. I bet things would be less fucking complicated if Dirk hadn’t told me all those years ago that he liked me now. Fuck. I ran a hand through my hair and sighed.

I heard Dirk’s door creak open just a crack. I glanced at it briefly. It always did that. I really thought he would have fixed it by now, him being a mechanical nut and all that shit. Then again it wasn’t as if I was here that often anyway, so he could keep all doors wide open if he wanted.

I snuggled deeper into my covers and drifted off to sleep. And what a fucking restless sleep it was. I kept dreaming of Dirk. At first it was the older one, the asshole I fell in love with. But then, more worryingly, it was the younger Dirk who was kissing me, leaning over me on the futon and trying desperately hard to kiss me without being sloppy. To put it bluntly he was a fucking failure. Since when was Dirk ever sloppy? Jesus it was fucking weird.

I blurrily pulled him down and took control. Hopefully I could show him how it was done. He squeaked and pulled away when I nipped his bottom lip, bolting straight into his room. Even in my dream all I could think was what the fuck. The fuzzy confusion didn’t last very long as I settled back into other dreams.

When I woke up I ordered in some breakfast, rubbing my eyes and yawning loudly as the takeout girl wittered away at the door about how great my last movie was or some shit. I don’t really know I wasn’t listening. In the end I just grabbed the box from her and shoved some cash in her face before slamming the door. I had a fucking migraine and everything. I wasn’t in the freaking mood to be idolized in the comfort of my own apartment.

Dirk had been up for hours, sitting on one of his puppet piles and tinkering with one of his newest inventions. He was dressed and everything, fresh-faced and with his hair pristinely styled. I just glared at him, hair askew and in just my boxers, shades shoved crookedly on my face. Seriously, what was his deal? How could a human even function properly at this time?

I dug into my bagel sleepily as I mumbled, ‘you should really fix that fucking door.’ He glanced up at me with furrowed eyebrows.

‘What? That door is fully functional.’ He said. He then froze and a blush glowed on his face. I pretended not to notice. Oh, so it wasn’t the door after all. It was a pubescent pervert’s fault. He awkwardly continued tinkering, nervously getting back to his work.

‘I had a really odd dream last night.’ I noted, wondering if that would get a rise out of him too. Well, he stopped working alright. Couldn’t meet my gaze though. ‘Dreamt that some blonde was making out with me. Fuck, they were sloppy, whoever it was.’

‘I-’ He cut himself off and started again. ‘Well… that was pleasant for you.’

‘Not really. It was like I was fucking drowning in someone else’s spit. Not pleasant.’ He visibly curled over, trying to hide his reddening face. ‘I hope they’re less sloppy next time.’

‘How do you even know there will be a next time?’ He mumbled.

‘I fucking hope there is. Just with less saliva. I bet it was a nice busty blonde with a sweet ass.’

‘No, I’m-’ He cut himself off again. ‘Whatever.’ I smirked to myself, but I swiped it straight off my face when he glanced expectantly at me. I accordingly handed him a bagel.

Well at least know I knew I had to get a lock for his door. I wasn’t having any of this fucking peeping nonsense while I was staying round here.

Then again… I only had another day here before I had to leave again. The thought made my stomach churn, and I ended up giving the rest of my breakfast to Dirk, who glanced up at me in concern. Fuck. And I thought returning to the apartment was nerve-racking.

Luckily my cool exterior saved me from any of Dirk’s considerate questions. I didn’t feel like explaining any of this shit to him yet. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I was well aware this was the last time I’d ever get to see the fucker before…

‘Hey, Dirk, do you want to go to the movies or some shit?’ I offered. I kind of just wanted him out the apartment. It would be a lot easier to leave if he didn’t pay me so much fucking attention.

‘With you?’ He sounded disbelieved. ‘Um, sure, okay.’

‘No, by yourself.’ I said. ‘I’ll call a taxi. Here’s some cash for your tickets.’ He looked at me from behind his shades knowingly.

‘Are you leaving?’ He said. ‘You always do this when you are about to leave. What is it? Can’t you even give me a proper goodbye, just for once? At least try to make up for being a shitty bro.’ I stared at him, blinking dumbly from behind my crooked shades. ‘Do you really hate me that much? That you can’t even bear to stay with me for a couple of days?’ He slapped his hands over his mouth and said nothing, ripping his eyes away from my startled face.

I couldn’t find my voice for a long while, just staring at him as a blush raged on his dread-filled face. ‘Dirk, I didn’t… I’m not leaving yet.’

‘Yeah, well. That doesn’t even matter. When you do leave, it will be just like this.’ He awkwardly fiddled with one of the arms of his puppets, watching it flop about, awkwardly avoiding me. When I couldn’t think of anything to say, he just sighed. ‘Forget I said anything.’

But I couldn’t. He was right. I was a shitty bro, and I knew I was. I couldn’t be anything other than a shitty bro though, knowing what I know and having this career. It was also inevitable I was going to face the Batterwitch’s servants, and it petrified me to the point of frying my cool. I couldn’t let him get close to me; but even though I had tried so hard, his feelings had still fucking developed. I just didn’t want to hurt him.

Why were things so fucking complicated?

In the end he spent his day pestering Jake. I wanted to go in there and tear apart his computer; I knew he’d started to grow fond of him, and it drove me fucking crazy. Jesus fucking Christ, that boy just couldn’t help making things even more fucking complicated. I found myself sat on the futon all day, cracking my knuckles and stewing in my own fucking jealousy.

Goddamn.

In the evening I ordered some Chinese, picking his favorite dish from when he was older. I knew this would probably be the last dinner I’d ever get the chance to share with him, so I wanted everything to be perfect for him. Heck, I even set up one of the counters like a table, shoving all of his ninja shit onto the floor. It had to be perfect, to make up for me being shitty, past and present. Fuck, I really hoped he would understand in the future that this was to apologize for not just neglecting him, but for all the insensitive things I’d ever had the nerve to say, including the things I said to him as an ungrateful shit of a thirteen-year-old.

Especially when I said he was suffocating me. Why didn’t I add at least a mumble that I loved feeling claustrophobic when he was loving me? Fuck.

The order came and I dished it up on some plates I had found. I knocked on his door and headed to my stool, taking a seat and waiting for him to emerge. I was kind of expecting him to come out as soon as he smelt the food, but I guessed he still felt sort of awkward. I did too, but I didn’t want my last hours spent with him to be like this. At any minute Rose could pester me and tell me it was time. We didn’t have a set date, just an inkling it would be around this time.

The door opened, and he marched out, only to stop when he noticed the makeshift table cloth over the counter and the plates set in place. Anyone would think he hadn’t seen a plate before. I bet he hadn’t.

He shook himself and tentatively took his seat, picking up his chopsticks and silently trying some. He spat it straight out. ‘What is the fuck is that? It tastes disgusting!’ I blinked at him in shock. But he fucking loved it as an adult! It was the only thing he’d ever order from the Chinese, even though I had to agree with mini-Dirk; it tasted like shit.

‘I thought you might like it.’ I shrugged, digging into my roast duck. He glanced at me uncertainly, before trying another mouthful.

‘Why did you go to all this effort?’ He mumbled mutely, after swallowing the shitty stuff.

I didn’t know what to say, but luckily I managed to think of something. ‘To apologize, and give you a proper goodbye. I don’t know when I’ll have to leave so…’ I shrugged.

‘Where will you be going?’ I didn’t reply to that, stuffing rice and duck into my mouth, pretending I didn’t hear it. He was suspicious. Fuck, he was always suspicious because he was always so fucking considerate. ‘Bro,’

‘What?’

‘Where will you be going?’ His orange eyes were unblinking behind his shades.

‘I, uh…’ I didn’t know how to continue, breaking off into a sigh. ‘I don’t really want to talk about it.’

‘Is it to get away from me?’ He mumbled, extra quietly.

‘Why the fuck would you even think that?’ I raised my eyebrow at him. ‘I don’t know what the hell is going on in that head of yours, but just stop it right now. I love you, Dirk.’ I stabbed into my duck and carried on eating, completely unaware that my announcement was a total bombshell to him. And then I actually realized what I’d said to him, mini-Dirk, and my eyes bugged open behind my shades. Fuck.

After he got over the shock though, he looked disappointed. Jesus, I thought for a second there he thought I meant that I loved him in the less platonic way. Obviously I had meant it like that, but it would be yet even more fucking complicated if he knew that. It would just end up hurting him.

‘I love you too, Bro,’ he poked at his meal. I knew what he meant, but I didn’t say anything to embarrass him. I’d teased him enough for one day. ‘Could we go to the movies together, before you leave?’

‘We’ll watch a movie here, if you want.’ I said.

‘Jake recommended I should watch-’

‘I don’t want to watch any of Jake’s shit.’

‘Not even for the irony?’ He sounded taken aback. I shook my head. No way. Not even for the fucking irony. ‘Then what movie do you want to watch?’ He took another bite of the food, grimacing in disgust. I supposed he liked it later on when he became the master of irony.

I shrugged. Honestly, I couldn’t care less what we watched. He wanted to spend time with me, have some quality bro time, so I’d give it to him and ignore the feeling of claustrophobia. To be honest, I kind of wanted some quality time with him. These were my last moments, after all, and who else would I rather spend them with?

‘Um. How about we watch some My Little Pony-?’

‘Fuck no. How about we watch some Sailor Moon?’

He looked pleasantly surprised, ‘Yeah, okay-’

‘Fuck no. Have you ever heard of sarcasm?’ He looked disappointed, pouting at his food. I reached out and rubbed a hand through his waxed hair, trying to stop myself from smiling. He blinked at me in shock as my hand remained in his hair; my face was almost cracking.

My iPhone bleeped. I tried to withdraw my hand but he reached up and kept it there. I just looked at him.

He was blushing, averting his eyes and with a strange expression on his face. He awkwardly glanced at me, but as soon as he saw me watching his eyes zoomed back to the side. Jesus fucking Christ. How. Adorable.

I put down my chopsticks and slipped my phone out of my pocket with my other hand. It was Rose. “It is happening. I suggest you leave as soon as possible.”

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. “now?” I frantically typed. Her silence was the answer.

Shit. I just wanted to stay with him.

I pushed my shades further up my nose, realizing I had tears stinging at my eyes. Fucking hell. They definitely weren’t manly, that was for sure. I tried to blink them away, awkwardly avoiding Dirk’s questioning gaze. He knew instantly that something was up.

‘I’ve got to go now.’ I could barely whisper.

‘Bro… is everything okay?’

‘Don’t sweat it.’ I stood, and he leapt to his feet, barricading my way with his body. He was shorter than me, but he was pretty muscular. I knew I probably wouldn’t be the one who would win if we strifed.

‘Tell me what’s going on-’

I leaned forwards and kissed his forehead. He stood there, frozen, as I took his face in both my hands and said, ‘I love you. I’m sorry. For everything I’ve done and everything I will ever do. Don’t believe a word of what I say later.’

‘What are you..?’

I interrupted him with a gentle kiss. He seemed to melt. ‘Dirk, just forget about me. I’m not worth it.’

‘Are you teasing me?’ He barely mustered. ‘Don’t; especially not about this. Don’t say you love me when you don’t mean it.’

‘I love you.’ I kissed his cheek and left.

What more could I say? What more could I possibly bring myself to say? I was fucking weak when it came to him.

I felt the hot, sticky tears roll down my face as I slammed the door of the apartment and locked it after me, running down the stairs as fast as I possibly could. I wouldn’t ever see him again. I knew what was going to happen. Fuck it, why did I have to do this? I’m not a hero!

I left the complex. I travelled to the Batterwitch’s Mirthful Executives. All the while I was thinking about Dirk and my tactless words. He never believed me. Not even when he was older. I wished there was a way I could convince him that I really was telling him how I felt.

I forced myself to ascend to the rooftop. I faced them while I was crying like a baby. I reluctantly embraced my death.


End file.
